David Becker/Getty Images
David Becker/Getty Images
Where do we begin? We know we should start with the harsh makeup that makes Jennifer Lopez (at the Grand Opening Of Hakkasan Las Vegas) look like her drag queen impersonator, but we can't take our eyes off of that ratty ponytail.
Something tells us the hair started out as an updo before Jen had a diva moment and the terrified hairstylist scramble to transform it. We can just imagine the poor perspiring stylist's hand shaking while unsuccessfully trying to flatiron the teased hair. At this point, J.Lo possibly threatened death upon his extended family if it wasn't fixed and, in ugly desperation, he threw it up in a high ponytail (off-center because his hands were still shaking).
We guarantee at least one person on J.Lo's style team lost his job (and possibly his family) that night.
We'd assume that her makeup artist got fired as well, but unfortunately we've seen Lopez rock the drag queen makeup before. It's sad really, because we've also seen J.Lo in soft beautiful makeup that highlights her features and shows off her beauty.
Aside from the harsh Oompa-Loompa contouring, if you look closely you'll see the makeup artist took the coral trend a bit too far by trying to match the lipstick and the shadow. Way too prom matchy-matchy!
Now, we're married to her eyelash extensions too, so it's tough to throw stones. But our lashes don't look like we cut the legs off a dozen spiders and glued them to our eyes. Instead of creating a flattering cat eye look (longest eyelashes at outer corners, getting shorter as they get closer to inner corners), Jennifer's makeup artist applied the stubby short false lashes at the outer corners and the long lashes towards the middle of her eyes. And her right eye looks like it's missing a chunk of lashes too!
Beauty Bailout: To avoid J.Lo's beauty blunder, cover your lids with a neutral matte shadow like Bobbi Brown Eye Shadow in Ivory. Apply a matte brown like Urban Decay in Buck right above your eyelid crease (this will make your lids look less puffy) and then apply a black liquid liner like Make Up Forever Aqua Liner in Matte Black, starting in a thin line at the inner upper lash line.
As you drag the liner, make the line thicker once you get past the eyeball. Then, with a light swooping action, flick the brush from the top outer edge of your line upwards towards the outer corner of your eyebrow. Hint: Don't expect perfection the first time you try this. Have some makeup remover-soaked Q-tips on hand to fix your mistakes.
To prevent JLo's tarantu-lashes, apply only individual false lashes (from the MAC 40 Lash Set, for example) in the outer corner of your eyes. To avoid that artificial clumpy look, apply 2-3 coats of lengthening, yet clump-free mascara like Votre Vu Eiffel Power Mascara. Tip: If the mascara is too thick or you're still getting clumps, go over lashes with a disposable mascara wand as if you were applying mascara.
Meanwhile, we send out our good wishes and condolences to J.Lo's beauty team. Our hearts and thoughts are with you.
If you're a beauty addict, Janna will be your enabler. Just an occasional user? She'll be your bad influence. Visit her blog at www.mybeautybinge.com and indulge!