The "deranged sorority girl" and brilliant mind behind the most eloquent email ever to use the term "c*nt punt" resigned from her sorority today. Which means...she's a free agent! Now that she's not busy receiving texts about people literally being so f-ing awkward and administering mental slowness tests, she'll have plenty of time to look for her next gig. We see big things in her future—Dance Moms choreographer? Ghostwriter for Donald Trump? Abu Graib prison guard? She'll need a resume, of course, so we generously offered to help her out.
(NSFW, if you're good at guessing which one of 5 vowels are replaced with asterisks)