Not that she answered all of those tough questions, but it still made for good TV when the embattled starlet stopped by CBS' Late Show Tuesday.
"I was here early—so you do owe Paul," Lohan cracked, implying that Letterman had bet bandleader Paul Shaffer that his guest would be late.
After reading a few fake news stories, such as, "Lindsay Lohan was on the Today show this morning. The appearance went well, only one camera is missing," Letterman asked, point-blank, "Yes or no, do you steal stuff?"
"Do you?" she fired back. "Do you steal your cups?"
"No, those are complimentary," he assured her.
When he cracked, "Shouldn't you be in rehab?" the Scary Movie 5 star handily replied, "Do you not watch anything that goes on? May 2."
"We didn't discuss this in the pre-interview, just saying," Lohan protested when Dave asked what she was going to rehab for.
"To be honest," she said, "I'm the healthiest when I'm working, and the happiest. And I think this is an opportunity for me to focus on what I love in life. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's a blessing, not a curse."
Asked whether the problem was drinking too much, Lohan smirked and said, "We've discussed this in the past."
Letterman also asked whether pal Charlie Sheen, whom she met shooting Scary Movie 5 and recently worked with on the set of Anger Management, had really loaned her money.
"That's something you'd have to ask Charlie," she said.
So, what was there left to do but let her see a copy of what he had prepared for her?!
"I thought you were going to be nice!" Lindsay laughed as she perused questions that included whether or not she had any money saved and whether she ever asks herself, "Why always in trouble?"
"I don't know, I couldn't answer that," she said. "I'm a target, I've always been, and I've put myself in the past in situations where, you know, I take full responsibility for it. And it wasn't funny, and I was being immature and I was going through a phase. And I had a lot of family stuff going on and things in life.
"And you grow up, you mature—and I've said that a million times, I know that. But what else am I supposed to say when it's a process of life? And I'm not trying to deny anything, any situation that I've been in."
As for the 90 days of so-called locked rehab that she must check into within the coming weeks, Lindsay said, "I've gone through a lot in life and I'm actually looking forward to taking time for me—you can't make a joke of it, that's so mean!"
"Not even one or two?" Letterman asked innocently.
"No, this is my show now!" she insisted. "I'm going to come back from rehab and take over your spot."
Now that would be a career comeback. And Lohan's ability to laugh at herself won rave reviews from Dave, who said he never thought she'd come back to his show after all the jokes he's told over the years.
"You have enough spine, enough poise, enough sense of yourself to come out here and talk to me," he praised the actress, who teared up just a bit toward the end of their sit-down.