Ray Mickshaw/FOXSpoiler alert! We're about to dig into the biggest, most jaw-dropping moments from Thursday night's TV, so you can sound all fancy-like at the water cooler.
If you haven't yet watched a particular show, and don't want to be spoiled, skip to the next!
New Girl: Nick (Jake Johnson) and Jess (Zooey Deschanel) finally went on their first date! Except it was kind of awkward (as they both were unwilling to be the first admit it was actually a date) and they ran into the "only man they both ever loved" Jess' ex Russell (Welcome back, Dermot Mulroney)!
Though Nick managed to score jaywalking tickets and the duo were unable to say what their relationship meant, the ended the night on a hopeful note as they both did the things they found attractive about each other (Jess had trouble opening a jar and needed his help; Nick gurgled beer). "I'll walk with you," Nick says when Jess starts heading to her room and the two whisper goodnight before heading off to their separate bedrooms filled with desire. (Man, that sounded like a romance novel. We apologize.)
Truth Bomb of the Night: "Everybody loves bacon, Jess!" Word, Nick Miller. Word.
Scandal: Olivia (Kerry Washington) slept with Jake (Scott Foley)! And then discovered his creepy surveillance of her apartment! And before he can explain, Olivia is knocked out and wakes up in the hospital, with Jake telling her to lie about their relationship/even knowing each other when Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) walks in, giving our fixer his infamous "Hi." Oh, and Fitz told Cyrus (Jeff Perry) he killed Verna! And Cy's go-to hit guy is the one who killed the deceased head of the CIA's wife! We're exhausted. Thanks for the workout, Shonda Rhimes!
The Office: "This is a documentary? I thought we were specimens in a human zoo." Yes, the documentary is finally airing on The Office and the whole Scranton branch is getting ready for their close-ups! And some of them aren't prepared for it as Angela (Angela Kinsey) learns the crew was filming all the time, including all of her office hookups with Dwight (Rainn Wilson). Oops! What's that phrase, don't poop where you eat?
And just to tug at our heart strings, the promo for the show within a show featured Michael Scott (Steve Carell), prompting Phyllis (Phyllis Smith) to say, "Aw, I miss Michael." So do we all, so do we all! Seriously, we started crying when his glorious face popped up on the computer. And don't even get us started on those old-school shots of Jim (John Krasinski) and Pam (Jenna Fischer). Our goosebumps had goosies! Too bad our "Jam" boner was quickly crushed by Pam's visit to Hot Boom Guy Brian, asking if Jim has changed since they first fell in love.
Community: Passengers of the Jeff (Joel McHale) and Britta (Gillian Jacobs) ship were probably pleased with this episode, as it featured quite the significant moment between the two after he apologizes for being so hard on her about her Sophie B. Hawkins dance. We saw that lingering look, you two! And we love Troy (Donald Glover) and Britta together, so we're very conflicted over here. Excuse us while we work this one out with our friends Ben and Jerry. Don't give us that look. Fine, we'll discuss it with our other friend Skinny Cow. Happy?
Grey's Anatomy: Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) learned that she does in fact carry a few of the genetic markers for Alzheimer's and makes her "person" Cristina (Sandra Oh) promise to take care of Zola and her yet to be born son if something were to happen. "You had me at lethal injection," Cristina says. Episodes like this make us wish we were BFFs with these ladies, too!
Line of the Night: "The only thing I hate more than lying is skim milk, which is water lying about being milk." Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) says on Parks and Recreation. Would anyone donate if we started a Kickstarter campaign to get Ron Swanson his own cooking show? Please advise.