We all know Anne Hathaway's taking home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress this Sunday. She couldn't NOT win. Right?! She HAS to WIN!
Our core team of mathematicians here at The Soup developed an algorithm for her acceptance speech (which has been written for months and rehearsed tirelessly to appear off-the-cuff). So go ahead and confidently bet your child's future college fund on any of the below things happening, because even Nate Silver agrees they are statistical certainties (if he had any idea we existed).
But wow, gulp, this'll be really embarrassing if she doesn't win.