David Giesbrecht/FOXSpoiler Alert! The following article contains spoilers on a lot of Monday night's shows, so click away if you've yet to watch and don't want to know what went down! Seriously, if you complain about spoilers in the comments you are the opposite of Batman.
Was your Monday rough? Don't worry, TV didn't let you down!
Seriously, the night was dark and full of terrors, like a fan favorite being shot on Bones and a huge secret being revealed on The Following. Alas, it wasn't all near-death experiences and attempted murder, as How I Met Your Mother surprised viewers with an unexpected cameo and The Bachelor ramped up the delicious drama with its villainous contestant.
The New Go-To Guest Star: After his controversial guest appearance as a death-row inmate who killed his sexual abuser on Law & Order: SVU, boxer (and convicted rapist) Mike Tyson make a surprise cameo on CBS' How I Met Your Mother. And he plays himself...as a Senator Mike Tyson 17 years in the future! (Hey, if Arnold Schwarzenegger can be elected Governor, anything could happen, as Ellie Goulding so brilliantly sang.)
Time for a Threesome: Oh, The Following, how we love your twisted love tales. Perhaps none greater than the three psychos in their house of tension. After whispers and quiet threats of exposing his secret last week, Paul (Adan Canto) finally revealed Jacob's (Nico Tortorella) dirty little secret to Emma (Valorie Curry): He's actually never killed anyone before! Yes, leave it to The Following to have a character be ashamed of their nonmurderous ways.
But what better way to change that than with Paul's little victim in the basement?! Alas, Jacob just couldn't get it up and tried to let her go, but Emma and Paul worked together to get her back and retie her up so they can help Jacob pop his killin' cherry. The whole experience, and their mutual love for Jacob, finally brings Emma and Paul together and the three end up in the shower together by episode's end. With most of their clothes on. For now.
A Very Special Episode: We all knew Brennan (Emly Deschanel) was going to be shot on Bones, but it was surprising that it happened so early in the episode after a fight with Booth (David Boreanaz) about her lack of spontaneity. Near-death, Brennan had a run-in with her mother Christine (Brooke Langton). Was she in heaven or hallucinating? We're not sure, but we do know the enlightening encounter opened up Brennan's mind regarding religion and to accept that some things aren't explainable.
Line of the Night: "I can't feel my butt," Castle (Nathan Fillion) says on Castle. Context not necessary. Another gem: "I can't control my eyebrow!" Tierra the Terrible exclaims on The Bachelor. Do you feel validated, @tierraseyebrow? Do you?!
Let's Play a Game: Pop quiz: Is this storyline from The Bachelor or One Tree Hill? A high school freshman, itching to rebel, falls in love with a boy. One year later, she marries the boy as a junior in high school. By the end of her senior year, the marriage is over. OK, so which is it? OTH or The Bachelor? Though it sounds like Haley from OTH, it's actually The Bachelor contestant AshLee's shocking backstory, which she finally revealed to Sean Lowe. (Also, anyone else convinced Sean kept AshLee over Lesley M. just so he could ask her family why her name is spelled that way during next week's hometown visit?)