Thanks to the hacker who broke into the Bush family's personal emails, we finally have confirmation that George W. spends half his time painting, and the other half scouring his conscience with a loofah mitt while asking, "Who am I, really?" into a fogless shower mirror. Do the confines of the bathtub reflect his inescapable struggles with the media? Did he watch his terms pass like floating pubes in a filthy basin as the economy slipped down the drain? Or even more likely, does George W. Bush actually see himself as Jessa from Girls??
Since only the safe-for-work versions have been revealed, we felt it our responsibility to bring you the raw, unphotoshopped originals.