He has one thing to say to Marv Albert, Martin Landau, Tony Curtis and Charlton Heston, the actors with this year's dubious distinction of having the "Worst Celebrity Toupees."
Ugh.
"You don't need me to tell you that Marv Albert's hairpiece is just plan bad," says the Fort Lauderdale, Florida, based hair-replacement designer. "I'd love to get a hold of that head--he's got wavy hair, so why is he wearing that hideous straight, black hairpiece?"
According to Alfieri, the adage "less is more" fits the toupee industry perfectly, "especially with more mature men."
Take Burt Reynolds, for instance. The Boogie Nights star moved from the Worst to the Best list this year, after turning in his thick, curly, dark rug for a more natural look. "He used to look like his hair belonged on a 20-year-old during that whole Loni Anderson time," says Alfieri. "Now he's got a little less hair, a deeper receding hairline, with some gray sprinkled in."
Alfieri says the three keys to a good hairpiece are color, density and a believable receding hairline.
Joining Reynolds on this year's best list are Tony Bennett, Elton John, Ted Danson, Bruce Willis and Sean Connery, who "looks great with or without hair."
"Most people can spot bad ones, but how many good ones go unnoticed?" the New York native asks. (One toupee-wearing celeb Alfieri refuses to dish on is William Shatner, whose wife died last month.)
Alfieri doesn't stop the critique with wig wearers, however. The hair designer says there is one head he's itching to cover. According to Alfieri, Andre Agassi is one man who would benefit from a George Clooney-esque Caesar look.
"He's such a handsome young man with such a horribly shaped head," Alfieri laments. "It's bad enough he's going bald, but he's got all those weird indentations as well."
Alfieri has one bomb that might come as a shock to all TV viewers. Believe it or not, he says, ABC News anchormen Sam Donaldson and Ted Koppel are actually sporting their own hair. They're just victims of "really bad comb-overs."
Alfieri has supplied his patented hair system to Hollywood celebrities for nearly 30 years. He got his start as a wig-making apprentice to an Italian neighbor in New York in the '60s, and slowly worked his way to the top of the industry, with a salon on New York's Fifth Avenue. He sold the New York store in 1985 and headed south to Florida, where he opened his current Charles Alfieri Studio.
His techniques have earned him international acclaim, and he's appeared as a rug expert on Good Morning America, Today and CBS This Morning.