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THE STAND: Horrormeister Stephen King finally out of the hospital three weeks and five operations after being hit by a van. He still faces months of physical rehab.

THE SHOW WILL GO ON: Organizers of the star-studded Woodstock '99 issue statement flatly denying rumors the July 23-25 shindig is doomed.

PAY UP! Earlier this week the Woodstock crew was told they have until next Thursday to pay some $1.5 million in civic fines--or see their concert axed by Oneida County, New York, officials.

IT'S OVER! In London, Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger dissolve their 20-plus years of coupledom in 12 minutes after agreeing they never formally married.

CAR VS. CAR: Oscar-winner Jack Nicholson, 62, nursing a cut right hand after smashing his late-model Mercedes into a late-model BMW, Thursday in Los Angeles, police say.

UPDATE: In Los Angeles, an August 13 hearing set for Leif Garrett on whether the ex-teen idol is eligible for a drug diversion program. He faces heroin and coke possession charges.

LIKE LEIF: Andy Dick to ask for a similar break from an L.A. judge August 12. The comic is charged with coke and marijuana possession, as well as hit-and-run riving.

EXTINCT: In California, a federal appeals court agrees the Famous San Diego Chicken was within its rights when it beat up a purple dinosaur, à la Barney. The Barney camp accused the Chicken of patent infringement.

MORE COURTHOUSE NEWS: Football hero/blaxploitation film star Jim Brown in a Los Angeles courtroom Friday pleading innocent to charges he threatened to kill his wife. Trial's set for August 17.

NURSE LOVE: Courtney Love and Hole administered hot tea and care to car-crash victims they happened upon en route to a show, Thursday in Canada.

SHADES OF FABIO: Sophia Loren okay after being attacked Wednesday by Peaches the cockatoo during a gig at London's Harrods. The bird's accused of flapping in the actress' face.

LOREN ADD: The screen goddess topped off her Harrods appearance by, um, falling off a stage. That didn't hurt her either.

SICK BAY: Elton John nixing three weekend mega-shows in Britain due to a lingering viral infection in the ear.

PLANET OPRAH: Talk queen Oprah Winfrey to make like a multi-media queen and launch her own women's magazine in March 2000.

PIE HATER: In Los Angeles, a county supervisor lodging a complaint with Universal Pictures over its kid-friendly ad campaign for its off-limit kid flick, American Pie.

HELPING HAND: Willie Nelson to host another edition of Farm Aid, September 12 in Virginia. Other scheduled performers include the Dave Matthews Band.

OFF THE ROAD: Sponsoring band Blues Traveler indicating this summer's H.O.R.D.E. Festival likely to be the last. Lilith Fair and Ozzfest are also hanging it up.

NANNY NEWS! Ex-sitcom star Fran Drescher to go Broadway in the play, Sweet Deliverance, debuting in December.

ELECTRIC ADULT: Former Debbie Deborah Gibson signing a deal to star in a proposed sitcom for producer Norman Lear (All in the Family), the New York Post says.

GOING MAD: Cable's Lifetime to get Mad About You reruns, starting in March 2002--a deal that'll cost the network $58 million.

GONE TO "HELL" Tom Maxwell, who handled lead vocals on the Squirrel Nut Zippers hit, "Hell," exiting the group to go solo, SonicNet says.

UGH: Keyboardist Eddie Harsch back with the Black Crowes after missing eight shows due to...a twisted intestine.

NUCLEAR FAMILY: Billy Joel and ex-wife Christie Brinkley to take part in a silent protest of a Connecticut reactor, Saturday aboard a boat in the Long Island Sound.

HONORED: NYPD Blue's farewell episode to Jimmy Smits among the TV and film scripts honored with the prestigious Humantitas Prize.

IT'S NOT JUST THE FRENCH! Jerry Lewis tapped to get the Venice Film Festival's lifetime achievement award.

TRIBUTE: Cable's Turner Classic Movies to remember director Edward Dmytryk with a triple play of flicks, starting at noon (EST) Sunday. Dmytryk died last week at age 90.