Undoubtedly, you've been busy unfastening the laces, buckles, and bolts of your elaborate presidential gala attire, and now you feel you've missed out on the week's crucial memes and mash-ups. Therefore, we've compiled a list of those deemed most worthy of your attention. We hope you'll trust our judgment, even though we've never met face-to-face.
FROM THE SOUP TV
Like a true American hero, The Bachelor's not joking around when it comes to the ring. And based on Sean's routine, it'll take real a knockout to win the one from Neil Lane Jewelers.
In 2014, Justin Bieber and Mark Wahlberg will go together like peanut butter and jelly—in a scenario where peanut butter has been told that working with jelly will generate big numbers at the box office.
The Motown Philly's back again, along with its late 80s allies, and we celebrated with the unphotoshopped version of their tour poster. You can print it out and use it for a senior discount*.
*In this case, "senior Discount" is slang for "toilet paper".
We took a moment to applaud an inventive dad who discovered a hairstyling tool even more effective than a lint-roller!
With the exception of Phil McGraw, these doctors completed at least eleven years of higher education just to land a position at Who Twarted?, M.D.
We took a moment to loosen our beanstalk-nooses…and surrendered to the fact that all great ideas have already been taken.
Lil' B has a warm-blooded place in his heart for someone special, and he's not afraid to sluggishly repeat it from the rooftops of his local Cobra King.
Also, since you've been gone, Bill Clinton's mastered the art of photobombing.
FROM AROUND THE WEB
Beyonce's outdone herself again, proving she doesn't even need an earpiece when she lip syncs.
Yep, you're right. The Death Star was Penny's Boat. This and more titillating questions answered in J. J. Abrams' Star Wars.
Ah, the old "My dog ate my Evite" excuse. Fine, but you'll miss out on this.