Spoiler Alert! The following article contains spoilers on a lot of Thursday night's shows, so click away if you've yet to watch and don't want to know what went down! Seriously, if you complain about spoilers in the comments you are the peanut butter stuck on the roof of the TV world's mouth.
Please give us a moment while we gather up the energy to go on living for the next week as there was no new Scandal tonight and we're jonesing for a fast-talking fix of Olivia Pope & Co.'s political shenanigans bad. (Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by ABC's scheduling!) OK, moving on. Thankfully, there were more than enough TV offerings on Thursday night to fill the Fitz-sized void in our hearts, such as The Vampire Diaries, The Office and Glee...
"No Feelings, No Attachments": Yep, Stefan is moving on from Elena with…Rebekah! Can we just say how awesome Stefan was in this episode of The Vampire Diaries. From snapping Damon's neck ("You're welcome," he awesomely says after doing the act) to delivering the line of the season, telling Elena, "You don't know what I look like when I'm not in love with you," we have to admit, we're liking Solo Stefan. A lot. Get it, son! In other fun TVD developments, Bonnie is well on her way to Buffy's Dark Willow territories, to which we say: please sir, can we have some more?
Slow Down, You Crazy Child: In Glee's winter premiere, Rachel, having been dating Brody for about a week, asks him to move in with her. This should end well. (And shouldn't Kurt have been involved in this discussion? Roommate Etiquette 101!) While that vaguely annoyed us, the possibility of a Puck and Kitty pairing really got under our skin. Kitty doesn't deserve nice things; she doesn't even deserve things, period. (Could Puck be pursuing Kitty because he views her as his only way of getting another chance with Quinn? We believe this is called emotional transference? Psych majors, weigh in!)
Surprisingly enough, we were OK with Blaine having a crush on Sam, as we actually thought the show was going to go there earlier this season, before making an unexpected left turn to Bram (Brittany and Sam). Besides, who can blame the guy? Tina having a crush on Blaine? A little far-fetched for our liking.
The Fourth Wall Comes Tumbling Down: After nine seasons and countless talking heads on The Office, we finally got to put a face to someone on the crew that has been capturing all the funny and dysfunctional moments at Dunder Mifflin. Tonight, we met Brian, who mans the boom mic. And he was really cute. So why aren't we more excited? Because the circumstances that brought our boom mic guy in front of the camera was a huge, emotional fight between Jim and Pam. All the things that have been building up between them finally exploded over the phone when Jim found out that Pam was unable to tape Cece's dance recital. He yelled, Pam fought back, and it turned into a verbal war about sacrifice, work and what's fair and unfair. Seriously, it was like a punch to our Jam-loving gut to watch them fight. After they hung up, Pam burst into tears and stared helplessly off-camera at Brian, looking to him for comfort. Obviously after nine years together, Pam has become close with the crew. Brian, seeing Pam's pain, runs to her side to comfort her while she cries. And then he tells the crew to turn off the cameras out of respect. We're not so sure what disorients us more: the fact that Jim and Pam are on the outs...or that we finally saw the face and the voice behind a crewmember. Jam prayer circle happening in the comments, folks.
Dream Casting: We interrupt your regularly scheduled watercooler rundown to dream-cast the inevitably terrible yet awesome Lifetime TV movie based on the whole Manti Te'o scandal. In the lead role, may we humbly suggest The Vampire Diaries' Michael Trevino? Our fallback is Rob Lowe because he's apparantly Lifetime's new poster boy (See: Prosecuting Casey Anthony and Drew Peterson: Untouchable). The role of Lennay is quite hard to cast considering, you know, she's not real, but we'll go with Pretty Little Liars' Shay Mitchell because her hair is superpretty. Ugh, darn Lennay and her perfect hair. Right, Manti?!
Brooke Shields Update: Shields is joining the seventh season Lifetime's Army Wives as the brash and brilliant Air Force Colonel Katherine "Kat" Young, a C-17 pilot who can hold her own with the boys and will share a lot of screen time with Brian McNamara's General Michael Holden. So there you go, consider yourselves updated.