Well, look who went their own way tonight!
The 70th Annual Golden Globes neither obediently followed the Emmys nor conveniently served as a launching pad for the Oscars in recognizing the Hollywood Foreign Press' picks for the tip of the top in film and television from the past year.
While certain things are just inevitable, like death, taxes, Daniel Day-Lewis and Homeland, the HFPA—and Jodie Foster, for that matter—kept the night interesting. And, when it comes to these big, long award shows, that's saying a lot.
1. Girls' Guide to Fronting and Winning: One minute critics can't decide if they even like Girls, wondering if it's too smugly awkward for its own good, and the next, Lena Dunham's HBO series is being named the top comedy series—and Dunham is beating the likes of Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical. And Dunham made the most of both of her trips to the podium, calling producer Judd Apatow "the greatest man and the greatest honorary girl" and following through on a promise she made to herself and her mom to thank Chad Lowe.
2. You Snooze, You Lose, Academy: The curious case of Ben Affleck not being nominated for an Oscar only seems more mystifying now that he's a Golden Globe winner for Best Director for Argo, which also bested seeming frontrunner Lincoln and lost-in-purgatory Zero Dark Thirty for Best Motion Picture, Drama. The Academy snub supposedly messed with Argo's Best Picture Oscar chances—but doesn't this do exactly the opposite? Oh well, at least Affleck just became a DGA Award frontrunner, and Jennifer Garner got to be extra cute when she was able to thank Argo producers Grant Heslov and George Clooney on her hubby's behalf after he left them out of his speech.
3. Quentin Quite Fazed: True, the Golden Globes doesn't differentiate between adapted and original screenplays, but Quentin Tarantino's profane cornucopia of verbiage that was Django Unchained most certainly wasn't considered the frontrunner for Best Screenplay. "This is a damn surprise and I'm happy to be surprised," Tarantino himself said in thanks. Wasn't Lincoln adapter Tony Kushner supposed to be the favorite when original and adapted scripts squared off? Or, if not him, Marc Boal for Zero Dark Thirty? Does this make Tarantino the Oscar frontrunner now? And, since he's up for Best Director along with Django's Best Picture nod... As Dr. King Schultz would say, "Who knows what could happen?!" (Oh yeah, and consider Christoph Waltz's win over Tommy Lee Jones and Alan Arkin an upset, too.)
4. House of Whys: And so continues this weird deal the HFPA seems to have with Showtime. Last year it was Matt LeBlanc for Episodes and, this year, Don Cheadle was named Best Actor in a TV Series, Musical or Comedy, for House of Lies, a cynical comedy about a group of management consultants who'll stoop to any low to secure that deal. Let's be clear on one thing: We love Don Cheadle. He's the best thing in lots of things, including this sort-of-comedy that premiered to mixed reviews like Girls, but, unlike Girls, never quite made the critics any warmer. But Cheadle over Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock's last season? Or Louis C.K. for being the best-worst Louis he can be on Louie? Consider our jaws dropped.
5. Jodie "Fifty Years Old" Foster: Eeenteresting. Jodie Foster certainly put all other Cecil B. DeMille Award acceptance speeches to shame tonight when she used hers as a bully pulpit to slam the current culture of people invading their own privacy via reality shows and social media. She also confirmed, once and for all, in case you were wondering, that she is gay, noting that she came out "about a thousand years ago, in the Stone Age," to "everyone she'd actually met." The prom queen didn't exactly pull a Carrie, but Foster certainly torched the modern notion that an actor's success necessarily involves selling his or her private life to the devil. (Heck, we would have considered her speech a success based on presenter Robert Downey Jr.'s wink-wink self-indulgence alone.) Foster even toyed with the idea of retiring from showbiz. "This feels like the end of one era and the beginning of something else," Foster said. "Scary and exciting, and now what? Well, I may never be up on this stage again, on any stage, for that matter. Change, you gotta love it."