"I think one thing about this show is—because it's such a fun, kind of sloppy night—it's not really about the host having any kind of big comedy performance," Fey revealed on a conference call this afternoon. "We kind of feel like our job is to keep things moving and also to help get the movies stars more liquored up so hopefully someone's boob will fall out of a dress."
That exposed bosom probably won't belong to the 30 Rock star though. When asked about her wardrobe, she quipped, "I'm going to wear one costume from each of the nominated films, beginning with Django and ending with a different character from Django." (Poehler, on the other hand, said everything she wears will tear away.)
And even if all the A-List ladies', well, ladies stay covered, the duo have alternative surprises in store. "The luckiest we could get is for something interesting and spontaneous to happen," Poehler chimed in. "We have a lot of spontaneous things planned."
As for all that talk of booze, the BFFs want you to know that isn't a joke: "It is the only award show where there's drinks at your table, so it doesn't take much," Amy insisted.
"And no matter what time you get there, you always just missed the food. I think it's a scam, I don't think they make any food," Tina (who said that she was originally supposed to cohost with the car from Transformers) continued. "You get there and there's just booze on the table and a box of candy and that's it. And all the women haven't eaten in days, so they have half a glass of wine and they're gone."
Fear not, Hollywood Foreign Press Association, because at least one of your hosts will hold off on the drunken shenanigans. "I, I'm sure, will not drink any alcohol till the show is over, and then I will drink half a glass of alcohol," Tina, who also informed us that the show will be sung back to front (like Les Mis), explained. "Which will be enough to put me away."
Not so for Amy, though: "I'm going to pub crawl it all the way to the venue," she laughed. "I'm going to try to take like a two-hour blackout nap before it starts, and then as soon as the show's over, I'm going to go on a 10-day juice cleanse."
If that isn't enough to make you tune in, the funnyladies have one more incentive: "One of the people watching at home is going to win a million dollars if they laugh at just the right thing," Poehler teased before Tina clarified, "You have to be home and have to have more than one TV tuned into the Golden Globes."
Watch the Globes on Sunday night on NBC at 5 p.m. PT/8 p.m. ET.