Bad first impressions abounded on the premiere episode of The Bachelor, as a slew of limos dumped the standard wobbling, rhinestone-encrusted women off at the West Elm-ish mansion to meet their future husband, Sean--the blonde runner-up from last season whose strong family values make up for the fact that he forgoes wearing a shirt at the gym.
This year's assortment of delusional prospects ranged all the way from a Fifty Shades Of Grey-obsessed lush, to a soft-spoken JUMBOTRON OPERATOR, to a self-proclaimed "goofball" in a wedding dress whose demeanor darkened as the rose ceremony, complete with its stock orchestral march and funeral home-like décor, drew near.
But this year, as the fast-forward moon of reality TV rose in the night sky, the drinks seemed to flow even heavier than Jacuzzi jets of premature and unfounded tears. Perhaps the Skinnygirl Sangrias brewed by the three Ashley's (one spelled AshlEE) in their cauldrons took stronger affect than the crisp Chardonnays of yesteryear. Whatever the case, some spirits eventually soured, while others appeared to have been butt-chugged. Here are some very brief looks into what took place last night…because, like the 750mL of Smirnoff tucked away in your sequined clutch, in full, it might be too much to handle.