As you may already be aware, the world did not end.
2012 is on its last legs, of course, but that doesn't mean the news cycle slowed down in honor of either the Mayan calendar or our good, old-fashioned winter-holiday season.
So, if you were a littled too bogged down by responsibilities to keep up, we're here to refresh you on the biggest news from the week just past:
WOMAN OF THE WORLD: In a rare coup for the home team, puppy-snuggling Miss USA Olivia Culpo was named Miss Universe 2013 when all was said and ogled at the bikini-and-smarts-appreciation pageant. Plus, get the scoop on her successor, Miss USA Nana Meriwether.
MERRY KRISTMAS: The Kardashians and Jenners sent out their annual, more-elegant-than-your-card holiday greeting, this year with all the members of their family wearing clean, crisp and, at times, clingy white. Kanye West may not have made the card, but he will be spending Christmas in L.A. with Kim Kardashian and the fam. (Can you spot the differences between their card and the one from Honey Boo Boo's family?)
WORLD HISTORY: PSY's "Gangnam Style" video surpassed 1 billion views on YouTube, the first time such a thing has ever happened, sexy lady.
FAVOR-ITE MISTAKE: Suzy Favor Hamilton, a college and Olympic athlete so inspiring there's an award named after her, revealed that she spent almost a year moonlighting as a Las Vegas escort. She apologized, but the sponsors aren't pleased.
BALLS OF FURY: Tom Cruise revealed how he hurt his foot while making Jack Reacher.
FEELING BETTER: Kate Middleton reappeared, lovely as ever, after battling severe morning sickness.
HER BAD: Kristen Stewart apologized for making people angry at her for a misstep that shall remain nameless, continues "trudging forth" into the world.
AFTERMATH: Newtown High School alum Bruce Jenner discussed the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary...Ke$ha stated that she totally understood why "Die Young" was pulled by some radio stations in the wake of the tragedy and revealed that the lyrics originally made her uncomfortable...Discovery canceled American Guns...Hollywood premiere of Django Unchained canceled...TLC postpones Best Funeral Ever premiere...NYC screening of Jack Reacher postponed...Apparently any time is a good time to hoax Morgan Freeman.
HOT SEAT: David Letterman opened up to Charlie Rose about his struggle with depression.
COUPLING: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are still going places together amid breakup-rerun rumors...Christina Milian claims her pal Karrueche Tran is back with Chris Brown...Katy Perry and John Mayer stepped out for dinner in NYC.
BABY BOOM: Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy welcomed son Cyrus Michael Christopher Dancy, their first child together...Shiri Appleby is expecting her first child with restaurateur fiancé Jon Shook...James Marsden became a dad for the third time when ex Rose Costa gave birth to son William Luca Costa-Marsden...Burn Notice's Jeffrey Donovan and wife Michelle Woods welcomed a daughter...Samaire Armstrong welcomed son Calin, her first child.
LEGAL ISSUES: Tabloid publisher defends its story about Tom Cruise "abandoning" Suri after his divorce...Fat Joe could end up in prison after copping to not paying $3 million in taxes...Michael Douglas' son Cameron is appealing the additional 54-month prison sentence he got for being caught with drugs behind bars...Retired ABC newsman Sam Donaldson was arrested for DUI...Twilight wolf packer Bronson Pelletier was arrested for public drunkenness...Hacker who stole nude photos of Scarlett Johansson sentenced to 10 years in prison...Alicia Keys was sued for copyright infringment over "Girl on Fire"...Donald Trump's Miss Universe Organization was awarded $5 million in damages from ex-Miss Pennsylvania USA Sheena Monnin, who claimed pageant was rigged.
TV LAND: Sex therapist Denise Stapley won Survivor: Philippines...Cassadee Pope won The Voice...Country singer Tate Stevens won The X Factor, but Britney Spears' faces won the war...Jersey Shore ended, and we feel exactly the same...The Walking Dead gets another season, but showrunner Glenn Mazzara doesn't...Rebel Wilson will host the 2013 MTV Movie Awards...Olivia Black isn't off Pawn Stars because she was a porn star...Zac Posen is replacing Michael Kors on Project Runway's 11th season.
SCREEN PLAY: Angelina Jolie will direct the World War II drama Unbroken, based on a true story...Anchorman 2 comes out Dec. 20, 2013...Hugh Jackman officially onboard for X-Men: Days of Future Past...The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey had the biggest December opening weekend ever.
WEDDING BELLS: Kelly Clarkson is singing like a canary diamond after getting engaged to Brandon Blackstock...GMA weatherman Sam Champion swapped vows with partner Rubem Robierb...65-year-old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood married 34-year-old Sally Humphreys...Michael Ealy said I-dos with Khatira Rafiqzada, in October!...ESPN's Samantha Steele tied the knot with Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder...Mad Men's Ben Feldman is engaged to Michelle Mulitz...Janice Dickinson is engaged to Robert Gerner.
EX-FILES: Ashton Kutcher filed for divorce from Demi Moore, a year after their initial split...Kelsey Grammer and ex-wife Camille Grammer finally reached a settlement, almost two years after a judge signed off on their divorce...Zooey Deschanel and Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard are legally divorced.
SURREAL ESTATE: PSY snatched up a Westwood, Calif., condo for $1.25 million...Anna Nicole Smith's former L.A. home sold for $1.3 million...Kelsey Grammer is leasing out his just-purchased Beverly Hills pad for $30,000 a month...Jennifer Love Hewitt sold her L.A.-area home for $2.15 million...Rihanna forked over $12 million for a home in Pacific Palisades...Seal made a $6 million offer on an eco-friendly bachelor pad...