Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? No? Not so much? Not even a little? Well, okay, but the Pussycat Dolls are on the stage singing that theme song, and I'm highly concerned for their safety because there are a good 50 Veronica Mars fans outside this building who are pissed the show hasn't yet been picked up. (And the Dolls and their highfalutin ratings are partly to blame, you see.) I'm ducking for cover.
Okay, Dolls survived, and Dawn Ostroff takes the stage to start off with...Wednesday, the CW's most beloved night, with their "hottest new series," per Ostroff, Gossip Girl.
"Were giving Gossip Girl the best lead, because I cannot say enough about this show," says Ostroff.
Now, the footage of Gossip Girl actually looks pretty...awesome. The promo is indeed narrated by one Ms. Kristen Bell, who is the voice of Gossip Girl. She blogs about the lives of the rich socialite teens on the upper east side of Manhattan, but here's the thing, Veronica Mars fans: Gossip Girl is never seen. So, it is conceivable Kristen could do both series. Not likely. But conceivable.
Gossip Girl is definitely O.C.-esque: From creator Josh Schwartz? Check. Rich gorgeous teens? Check. Fistfight at a fabulous party? Check. Still, it also looks juicy and smart and highly addictive, if you ask moi.
Next drama up: Life Is Wild. A new series shot entirely in Africa and the reason tiny zebras and a lion cub were on the green carpet outside. The promo looks like...the Camdens of 7th Heaven in Africa. Family friendly, touching, but a bit more sexy thanks to a shirtless pool boy. Looks decent.
Ostroff comes out to say: "I know a lot of One Tree Hill fans are worried. I'm here to reassure you that we love OTH, which is why we're strategically holding it till midseason. That gives us a chance to make a bold creative change: We're going to fast-forward four years to a point where the characters have already graduated college. And we're producing online digital diaries, so the fans can keep up with what happened to those characters in the interim."
Reality series: Ostroff announces Farmer Wants a Wife, whose name gets a huge laugh—and not in a good way. Crowned, a mother and daughter beauty pageant series, gets crickets, and I'm wondering how it's possible there isn't room for VM, and yet there’s space for these hideous shows?! Ugh! I need anger management, and I'm billing the CW!
Aliens in America: More crickets initially for this show about a misfit teen, but the crowd warms up when the Pakistani exchange student arrives...Okay, now genuine, hearty laughs. Huh. It actually looks pretty funny and endearing. Go figure.
Ack! I'm late—gotta scoot to Fox to interview its stars before the presentation. (Check back later for that.) My partner in crime, Korbi, is gonna give you the last few CW deets...Take it away, K.G.!
KORBI: Thanks, Kristin! And don’t be afraid to show a little leg when hailing your cab to the Fox presentation. We don’t want you missing Hugh Laurie on the red carpet.
And thank you, CW! Because of their superadvanced technology, I’m actually watching a secret feed of the presentation from the comfort of my own PC. Okay, what’s up next?
Oh boy, Beauty and the Geek is taking the Gilmore Girls' Tuesday 8 p.m. time slot. Ostroff is saying they loved Gilmore and are sorry to see it go. However, Geek pulls higher ratings in their target demos. No comment.
And what will take Veronica Mars’ precious time slot? Reaper, a drama about a twentysomething slacker, played by Bret Harrison (The Loop’s Sam Sullivan), whose parents have sold his soul to the devil. Ostroff says he’s a reluctant hero who is forced to work as the devil’s bounty hunter, collecting the souls of people who’ve made deals with old Lucifer but have yet to pay their debt. Ooh, the hot troublemaker from Thirteen, Nikki Reed (also known as Ryan Atwood’s girl Sadie) is in it, too. Looks a little cheeky, but kind of funny too. Can’t tell from the previews if I’ll watch it. Okay, whatever, I’m gonna be honest: The actors are cute, but I doubt it’ll make my personal schedule. Then again, it's directed by Kevin Smith and produced by Grey's Anatomy's Mark Gordon, so I might eat my words.
And that’s it for the C-Dub's new sched. Uh-oh, Dawn Ostroff is bringing lead Pussycat Doll Nicole back out for the world premiere of the network’s new theme song...She’s quite scantily clad. No one’s clapping. But she looks hot. Song is…ehh. I prefer Fergie and Will.I.Am’s version of "Get Ready." But what do I know?
All right, kids, we’re outtie for now. Check back later for more Kristin updates straight from Manhattan. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a little Kiefer action...