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American Horror Story: Asylum Recap: Bad Santa!

American Horror Story Byron Cohen/FX

If you had any good memories of Santa before watching tonight's American Horror Story, they are probably banished forever. Godspeed, happy Christmas memories.

On the plus side, Golden Globe winner Ian McShane seemed to have a jolly old time playing the screwed-up Santa, so at least that was fun to watch. You know what else was fun to watch? Certain people getting their comeuppance, which is exactly what went down during "Unholy Night."

Santa Needs a Hug: "Santa Clause," or a homicidal murderer named Lee, is a occupant of Briarcliff who went on a killing spree a couple Christmases ago. He was the reason Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) canceled any future holiday festivities after he bit an orderlies face off the year before during a party. Needless to say, don't you dare sit on this Santa's lap.

Missed last week's episode? Read our recap!

Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe), who is all about mayhem now, lets Lee out to once again dress as Santa during the Christmas party. Since Sister Jude is gone, Christmas is back on in Briarcliff! And just like last year, Lee tries to attack a guard, earning him a trip back to solitary. This is the same guard who shot and killed Grace (Lizzie Brocheré), and he was thisclose to calling the police and reporting everything that happened in last week's episode. Sister Mary doesn't like that, so after the guard locks Santa in his room, she slits his throat. Witness disposed of.

Sister Jude Is a Badass: Jude knows that Mary is evil, and now so does Dr. Arden (James Crowell). Mary reminds Arden that she's basically the devil, so to be against her is not a good idea. Regardless, Arden goes to Sister Jude for help with Sister Mary, and she agreed. A new unlikely team is born.

Or so we thought. Sister Jude tells Dr. Arden to bring Mary up to her office and lock her in so she can have a demon smackdown face to face. Instead, Dr. Arden alerts Sister Mary, who takes Santa up to the office where she locks him in with Sister Jude. In flashbacks, we learn that Jude was not nice to Santa when he first got there, so Santa decides to take his sweet time torturing Jude by throwing her around and whipping her with canes. While Santa has her held down on a bed, Sister Jude decides that is the best time to introduce a letter opener to his neck, killing him. We cannot wait to see how Mary reacts to Sister Jude's survival.

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And where was Dr. Arden when all this happened? Taking Grace's body down to be incinerated. Before he can do that, those pesky aliens show up and take Grace's body away.

Lana and Kit Get Even: Lana (Sarah Paulson) realizes that no one is coming for her and that Oliver (Zachary Quinto) is still on the loose. She tells Kit (Evan Peters) all this, and she promises him that she will prove his innocence. She sneaks around the hospital until she finds a phone to alert the authorizes, but she doesn't get too far into dialing, because Oliver appears behind her. And he is pissed.

Oliver reveals that he has scrubbed away every piece of evidence from his house, and that Bloody Face is dead. However, with Lana's skin, maybe he can start over as a new Bloody Face and get rid of the one person who knows what kind of monster he really is. Two birds, one stone. He starts to drag Lana away, until Kit pops up to knock him over the head and save the day! Lana wants to kill him, but Kit stops her because Oliver is his key to proving he's innocent. Lana and Kit lock him away in a storage closet, and we cross our fingers that they tied him up tight enough.

Burning Questions

  • When will we get the ultimate Mary-Jude showdown?
  • Seriously, what do those aliens want?
  • We all know why Lana was throwing up, right?
  • Why hasn't anyone at Briarcliff told the police that they have Kit?

Take a look back at AHS' craziest moments!

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