It's never fun to start the week mourning the breakup of your favorite celebrity couple or being shocked by a sex scandal involving a beloved Sesame Street character.
But we were there to guide you through the turmoil and now we're back to make sure you didn't miss the biggest news, be it Bieber or Breaking Dawn-related.
Here are the top 10 stories from the week just passed, plus a few extra tidbits to guarantee that you'll be the most informed person at the dinner table tonight:
1. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Broken Up but Not Bowed: Whatever the cause of their split, there was no shirking the spotlight for these two following the revelation that they were no longer the cutest couple ever. Justin performed, rode around on a Ducati, gave interviews, hit the studio, got pulled over...and Selena was all over the place, too, hanging with Ryan Seacrest and attending gala events. In fact, they were so all over the place, they actually ended up in the same place Thursday night. Hmm...
2. Sun Sets on Twilight as Stars Go Global for Breaking Dawn: Part 2: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are in L.A. No, wait, they're in London. No, Madrid! Guten tag, Berlin! The glamorous couple, together again after that little hiccup, didn't disappoint the fans—nor did the most handsome third wheel around, Taylor Lautner, and the rest of the cast—who were waiting for a abundance of red-carpet shots, TV appearances and memorable moments. And that was before anyone had even seen the movie!
3. Happy 17th Birthday, Kendall Jenner: If an E! star turns 17 and doesn't ice skate hand-in-hand with Jaden Smith, does anyone notice? Well, sure, thousands of people still notice—but they don't start excitedly chattering away as if they've discovered the next Justin and Selena until Kendall reminds people that Will and Jada's 14-year-old son is like a brother to her.
4. Bruce and Kris Jenner Share a Laugh: After the National Enquirer suggested that the Jenners' marriage was on the rocks after 21 years, the family matriarch did what she does best—face the silly story head-on and laugh in its face. She also filled us in on the latest happenings with Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and Khloé Kardashian Odom at the same time, so thanks for that!
5. Tickle Me Elmo Takes on New Meaning for No Good Reason: A struggling male model with, it turned out, a criminal record accused Kevin Clash, the longtime voice and puppeteer behind Sesame Street's beloved red muppet, of sexually abusing him when he was a minor. Clash, who denied the allegations, left the show. The accuser then recanted his story, saying they had an "adult consensual relationship." Still, more than Elmo's fur was ruffled by this one.
6. Channing Tatum Smolders: The Magic Mike star was named People's Sexiest Man Alive, prompting debate over whether he deserves the title while simultaneously meriting applause and launching hundreds of hastily assembled photo galleries chronicling his best shirtless moments.
7. Unpleasant Aftertaste: Guy's American Kitchen and Bar, the Times Square addition to Guy Fieri's restaurant empire, got raked over the red-hot briquettes by New York Times critic Pete Wells, whom Fieri then accused of having an agenda (like "first-to-a-million-page-views-eats-at-Le-Bernadin!") in writing such a "ridiculous" review. Because why would someone not like the food at a tourist trap in Times Square? Not possible!
8. Not-So-Precious Platinum Anniversary: It turns out Janeane Garofalo got married 20 years ago to The Big Bang Theory producer Rob Cohen. They didn't remain a couple and thought they had their union anulled a half-hour into the whole thing. But you know how time-consuming paperwork can be and, it turned out—surprise!—they were still married until this week. And they probably only know now because Cohen had a lawyer getting his affairs in order before he ties the knot for real. Or, for real yet again.
9. Stodden's Spotlight Snuffed Out: Teen bride Courtney Stodden seemingly had her live-performance debut in the bag—a night of singing and pole-dancing at famed West Hollywood gay bar The Abbey was to be hers! But just hours after the big announcement, management pulled the plug. Both sides offered up explanations. We leave to you to decide why it didn't work out.
10. Taylor Swift's New Direction: The recently single country-pop superstar (Red Tour tickets are selling like they're the last Twinkies on Earth) performed on The X Factor—site of a most shocking double elimination Thursday—and spent her downtime holding hands and otherwise being quite chummy with One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles. He's got an accent, and not a hahlf-baked Kennedy one. And he's certainly cute enough to write a song about. So, why not? OK, Taylor, go for it!
And the Rest: Jon Bon Jovi's 19-year-old daughter arrested but avoids a possession charge after a heroin overdose...Hope Solo married former NFL player Jerramy Stevens a day after he was arrested for allegedly assaulting her...Missouri man arrested for allegedly plotting a Breaking Dawn Part 2 theater shooting...R.I.P., Lucille Bliss, voice of Smurfette...Lindsay Lohan has a half-sister after all (Michael's doing, not Dina's)...Facts of Life and now Survivor: Philippines star Lisa Whelchel is battling West Nile Virus...Elizabeth Banks and hubby Max Handelman welcomed their second son, Magnus...Inside Ariel Winter's family feud in court, plus 14-year-old breaks it off with 18-year-old boyfriend...Scott Wolf and wife Kelley welcomed their second son, Miller William...Kat Von D and Deadmau5 split up...Halle Berry was denied the court's permission to move daughter Nahla permanently to France.