At this point, it's just gotta be one or the other.
You have to ask yourself: Is Daniel Day-Lewis an alien—or an android?
The star of Lincoln, in theaters all over the universe this weekend, was either sent to Earth by an extraterrestrial race of Method-trained life forms intent on dominating humanity through pure captivation. Or he's a manmade, technologically sophisticated acting-bot programmed to make his human counterparts in Hollywood look like a bunch of self-important carbon-based schlubs.
There's just no way an ordinary mortal could be this good in every single movie he's in.
A title role in Steven Spielberg's Lincoln biopic is just the latest in a long line of evidence that DDL is a specially engineered ringer. To help determine whether he was born in another galaxy or built in a secret government lab, consider some of his most accomplished turns:
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988): In an early highpoint, Day-Lewis convincingly mugs, cavorts and laments his way through a swirl of polyamorous intrigue and political upheaval. Hard to say, but we reckon android with the source text by novelist Milan Kundera converted to binary code.
My Left Foot (1989): A fearless turn in the true-life tale of Irish artist Christy Brown earned Day-Lewis his first Oscar. It's nearly impossible to believe that a machine, no matter how advanced, could muster this level of human empathy and emotional complexity. So, alien.
In the Name of the Father (1993): Again with the awesomely soul-wrenching Irish biopics—this one about wrongful convict Gerry Conlon. DDL's stunning performance notwithstanding, his facial features are too chiseled to be organic. Let's go with android.
The Boxer (1997): A third go-round with director Jim Sheridan, who at this point starts to look like the programming mastermind behind a lean, boundlessly talented C-Thesp-PO. Android again, but props for making the pugilist abs and the bleeding head look so convincing.
Gangs of New York (2002): This one's tough. As ruthless crime boss Bill the Butcher, he combines the otherworldly charisma of a Disney villain with cold brutality of a T-1000. Gonna go with android by a nose, just because the mustache looks too good to be real.
There Will Be Blood (2007): Back to alien here. The careful study of oil production and old time religion suggests a larger body of homework on what it takes to motivate and ultimately devastate the human animal. Oh, and chalk up Oscar number two for the would-be space invader.
Nine (2009): Hmmm. He's not quite as at-home in this musical that generated some oh-so-rarefied mixed reviews, though his body does mostly move with a notable level of precision. We're thinking android, possibly infected by some malware via Kate Hudson.
Lincoln (2012): Definitely alien, if only because Spielberg has such a solid track record of dignifying space creatures (Close Encounters, E.T.). Placing him inside the White House is surely a strategic bit of intergalactic subterfuge, intended to get us all used to the idea of an alien overlord.
What's your call: Alien or android?