Channing Tatum is now People's Sexiest Man Alive? Aren't other Hollywood actors, like Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt, way sexier?
—Sherlock W., via Twitter
I know, I know. You forgot to consider George Clooney, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz, Ryan Lochte, Taylor Kitsch or any of the other myriad Hollywood sides of beef who populate our sad little fantasies.
But if you think that People is way off in its assessment, what I'm about to tell you will—seriously—blow. Your. Mind.
Because I have some science here that essentially proves, empirically, that Tatum wins the sexiness wars.
How? Statistics, of course.
According to the Davie Brown index, which surveys folks just like you, Tatum actually holds more sex appeal than nearly any of the other people I've mentioned above.
Yes. Really.
Specifically, when it comes to appeal, Pattinson comes in at No. 2,571 on a list of celebs. Lautner? No. 2,199. Kitsch? No. 1,573.
Lutz is No. 1,851. Gosling comes in at No. 936.
And Tatum? No. 787.
The only person who tops them all is Pitt, who tallies at No. 323.
And, to be fair, Pitt has been sexy, for, like, ever. When it comes to fresher faces, Tatum is clearly the most logical choice, given the numbers above.
Still don't believe me? Well there's more research behind my conclusion.
According to Eleanor Weston, a paleontologist at the British natural history museum, humans may find men sexier if they have a, well, small face. You know, lots of room to accentuate square jaws, strong cheekbones and other manly traits.
And if that doesn't describe Tatum's mug, I don't know what does.