Settle a bet for me: I say that of all the Twilight movies, the series finale due out next week will be the best. My sister says that Twilight will forever be better than anything Breaking Dawn Part 2 could offer. What do you say?
—Freema, Illinois, via Twitter
This is gonna be fun. In fact, while we're at it, why not rank both the books and the films? We're entertainment media. Nobody makes lists like we do! Here's my definitive, absolutely, totally not-to-be-questioned countdown of the Twilight films, starting from, naturally, the very worst.
5. New Moon. In book form, the Twilight series is infamous for teasing audiences with a whole lot of nothing in between somethings. For me, the New Moon film had the least to offer die-hard fans and casual moviegoers alike. It's a story that has Bella at her most doormat-like, sitting in a chair, literally, for months after Edward dumps her. Her flirtation with Jacob never feels real thanks to uneven acting, and her suicidal tendencies seem inexplicably extreme even for a jilted teenage girl who can only see her ex when she's at risk of dying.
4. Breaking Dawn Part 2. No, I haven't seen it either, but the promise of a Volturi/werewolf-vampire Bella face-off alone means that this flick has to be better than New Moon. Because most vampire movies are better than New Moon.
3. Eclipse. Viewers complained of a choppy shooting style that muddled the action in this installment, making it harder to follow. Then again, there is a welcome dose of humor in this picture, too, courtesy of the campy, sitcom-like bickering between Edward and Jacob. Granted, said bickering is about the same thing it's always about—protecting the virginal Bella from vampires bent on revenge—but there's also a decent action sequence in the beginning with Bryce Dallas Howard that places this flick comfortably at No. 3.
2. Breaking Dawn Part 1. Finally—finally—came the plot points fans were waiting for. Bella marries, has sex—two whole times!—gets knocked up, gives birth and changes into a vamp. Granted, the couple names the baby "Renesmee," and the film is largely joyless, but there's no such thing as a perfect Twilight movie.
1. Twilight. Of course. This is where it all began. The franchise felt fresh and innocent and sweet and different and unabashedly romantic. We were introduced to the real-life chemistry of the two leads. The story is silly, of course, but young romance tends to be that way.
What about the books? Check out my column tomorrow to see how they rank.