News/

Election Night Roundup

by Jessie Gaskell Wed., Nov. 7, 2012 3:09 PM PST

In case you started anxiety-drinking early yesterday afternoon and that turned into happy hour shots which turned into snorting the crushed white powder you found at the bottom of your purse that actually turned out to be an old Ambien pill (it happens!), you might have missed Election Night.

Here's all you need to know (besides the fact that President Obama was reelected to a second term, there's really no reason you shouldn't know that by now):

Diane Sawyer either did her best Kim Richards impression, or she accidentally grabbed a vodka-soaked tampon from the desk of an ABC news intern.

Donald Trump contracted traveler's diarrhea of the mouth and smeared it all over the internet. Luckily, B.S. Sniffer General Brian Williams offered us a courtesy flush: