A wedding, a breakup, a reunion, a ring...
It's not hard to fall behind when you're following the every-which-way-but-normal world of celebrities—but you can keep up just by scrolling down!
Here's everything you need to know about the week just past in entertainment (and simply entertaining) news:
IN THE PINK: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel tied the knot last week, but it was only in the days following that we got the pics and all the details about the dress (pink!), the tux, the vows, the guests, the party, the jewelry, the bride's upcoming name change, the Britney photobomb, the really embarrassing well-wishes from some unwitting homeless people and everything else you need to know about the couple's big day.
BEDAZZLED: Since when does a very much in love Kim Kardashian wear a massive diamond ring on her pinky finger? Well...since now, because those in the know—like her mom—are insisting that she and Kanye West are not engaged.
BREAKING GOOD: The equally introspective Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart embarked on separate legs of the Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (check out a new clip!) promo blitz, but they ended the week back in L.A. together, doing things that normal couples do—like watch VIP-only Prince concerts at intimate clubs.
BLUE PERIOD: Taylor Swift finds herself single again after what we'll probably soon find out was a diary-filling summer romance with Conor Kennedy—who's now back at prep school for his senior year. Her Red Tour can't come fast enough.
BAD TRIP: Britney Spears may end up spending upward of $1 million fighting Sam Lutfi's charges of defamation, breach of contract and battery—but the bombshells about drug use and other odd behavior are already out there. Listening to this trial testimony has us reliving Britney's darkest days.
BABY BOOM: Adele is this much closer to having it all, having welcomed a son with Simon Konecki...Hawaii 5-0 star Alex O'Loughlin and model-surfer girlfriend Malia Jones welcomed a son together...Lisa Ling having a girl withdoctor hubby Paul Song...Teen Mom 2's Leah Messer Calvert is expecting a baby with hubby Jeremy Calvert...Don Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa welcomed their fourth child and third son.
COMMANDER-IN-DISBELIEF: Donald Trump is trying to steal as much of the spotlight as he can leading up to the Nov. 6 presidential election, this time by offering $5 million—or more!—in exchange for Barack Obama's passport and college records. Because then Trump's crackpot conspiracy theory about Obama's origins will seem less misguided? The president deftly handled the latest stunt, attributing Trump's beef to their rivaly on the soccer field growing up in Kenya.
POP GO THE POLITICS: Obama's horses and bayonets proved very popular in his final presidential debate with Mitt Romney...Katy Perry performed at an Obama rally in Las Vegas on the eve of her 28th birthday...Michelle Obama hit up Jimmy Kimmel Live and a Will Smith-hosted fundraiser...Clint Eastwood needs no chair assistance in new Romney campaign ad...Ann Coulter set herself up for a few derogatory terms to be directed her way.
ENOUGH: Lindsay Lohan's publicist quit. We have no idea why.
FOR THE RECORD: Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have split up (she did not leave him for Tim Tebow yet, as far as we know)...Jenny McCarthy is dating jeweler Pascal Mouawad...James Franco is not dating Ashley Benson, among others...Now that they're just friends, Chris Brown is hanging out with ex Karrueche Tran almost as much as he hangs out with Rihanna...Bachelor Pad couple Blakeley Jones and Tony Pieper called off their engagement...Emily Maynard and Jef Holm aren't engaged, but he did spend time with her and daughter Ricki in North Carolina last weekend.
FAREWELLS: Russell Means, Native American activist and actor in Last of the Mohicans and Natural Born Killers, died at 72...Bachelorette Emily Maynard paid tribute to late fiancé Ricky Hendrick on eighth anniversary of his death...Tony Scott's death from blunt-force injuries that resulted in drowning officially ruled a suicide.
TV LAND: Which series are soaring and which are slumping in their sophomore seasons?...Adam Carolla joined Fox News as a contributor to The O'Reilly Factor...Don and Megan are having fun in the sun on the sixth season of Mad Men...Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter will be on the new Arrested Development...Gilles Marini talks taking off the towel on Dancing With the Stars...Giuliana Rancic and Andy Cohen will cohost the 2012 Miss Universe Pageant...Watch a behind-the-scenes clip from Friends' era-ending finale...Disney's new princess isn't Latina after all...Jennifer Esposito may be off Blue Bloods for good amid feud with CBS...Saturday Night Live took on Brad Pitt's apparently very mockable Chanel No. 5 commercial.
SCREEN PLAY: Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming back for more barbarianism in The Legend of Conan...Check out the new A Good Day to Die Hard trailer...James Cameron wants to direct The Informationist after completing the Avatar trilogy...Nicole Kidman says Eyes Wide Shut wasn't to blame for her split from Tom Cruise (though that would have been a perfectly good reason)...Watch the first TV spot for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey...Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel spark the Safe Haven trailer...Pax and Zahara Jolie-Pitt are in Maleficent, too!...Get a load of the explosive Iron Man 3 trailer.
MUSICAL NOTES: When is a Jennifer Lopez nip slip old news? When it just happened a few nights beforehand, too!...See, Nicki Minaj knows how to avoid such things...Usher plunked down $12,000 for a goldendoodle puppy for his sons...Madonna tumbled for her audience in Dallas.
HEALING: Melissa Rycroft returned to DWTS after a scary neck injury...Lil Wayne treated for dehydration and a severe migraine after private plane makes emergency landing in Texas...Robin Roberts is slowly regaining her strength after a bone marrow transplant...Diddy didn't feel great after a car crash.
LAW & DISORDER: Tom Cruise is suing Life & Style for $50 million for reporting that he abandoned Suri...Beyoncé and Jay-Z can't trademark Blue Ivy...Bobby Brown charged with multiple DUI counts...Dallas star Jack Scalia arrested at the airport for carrying a gun...The Real World: Chicago's Tonya Cooley settled a sexual battery lawsuit against producers...Arrest warrant out for America's Next Top Model judge and suspected bruiser Rob Evans...Four people suing Trinity Mirror for alleged phone hacking on Piers Morgan's watch...A judge denied Hulk Hogan's bid to have a snippet of his sex tape pulled from Gawker immediately...Brian Austin Green's lawsuit against ex Vanessa Marcil dismissed...No charges for Lindsay Lohan in alleged hit-and-run in New York.
FASHION FORWARD: Kim Kardashian went up the ladder to the roof of Alex Rodriguez's house for a photo shoot...Marion Cotillard stuns for Lady Dior...Leighton Meester is sporting a new choppy bob...Kellie Pickler's buzz cut is growing out...Halle Berry is going to be a cupcake for Halloween...Anne Hathaway "did what she had to do" to play the doomed Fantine in Les Misérables...Katie Holmes made an especially stunning showing at the launch party for Narciso Rodriguez's new Kohl's collection...Natalie Portman's Dior mascara ad banned in the U.K. because her lashes were unbelievablye lucious...Ashley Greene has new red hair...Britney Spears debuted new bangs. So much better than bald.