Tonight's episode of Jersey Shore offered us more valuable life lessons. For example, don't dance around the street drunk unless you want to get arrested and, if you really like someone at the Shore, take them to Rivoli's for dinner, because that's serious.
Another bit of valuable information: If you're Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and you're trying to apologize to Snooki, buying her a Schwinn-like baby stroller—although very badass—will not gain her friendship.
But she did say thank-you, so that was a start.
It's OK, Mike had bigger fish to fry, because for the first time in a long time, he was about to get wife'd up to Paula. And he needed to figure out an extra special way to ask her to be his girlfriend.
Meanwhile, JWoww went to the doctor to find out whether she'd need surgery or a cast for her fractured foot. The good news is there were no broken bones, so she's actually OK! (Sorry, Snooks.) The bad news is she still hadn't heard from Roger since the incident, so their relationship status wasn't clear.
That night was the big night for Sitch, who got a tank top made with the words "Let's make it official." Of course, the rest of the roommates joined because they had to see such an epic event take place. Understandable.
Once at the restaurant, Mike and Paula initially sat at a different booth to get some privacy, although they were easy to see. With everyone else gawking at the duo, Sorrentino unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his tank.
After what seemed like a lifetime, Paula finally realized what the shirt said and was all smiles. Everything was very sweet, until she began talking about marriage and kids and puppies and houses...yeah, Sitch got a little overwhelmed. He explained it best with a pizza analogy.
"I've just known Paula for three summers, and when you order the same cheese pizza for three summers straight, and you finally get your cheese pizza with pepperoni on it, you're like, 'Where did this pepperoni come from? 'Cause I been eatin' a cheese pizza for three summers.' Ya' feel me?"
Sigh, he tried, you guys.
Finally, Jenni gave in and called Roger to see what was going on with them. Unfortunately, he didn't pick up, so she just left a voice-mail (not a mean one). She then began crying, thinking they were over for sure, since he didn't care to reach out.
It also didn't help that Vinny said, "This was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. This might be one too many fights for him." Hey, they asked a guy's perspective, and he gave it to them.
JWoww gave in and called again. Surprisingly, Roger answered, but there were absolutely no apologies being given. They continued to fight about what happened, and when she asked where they stood, Roger simply said, "Do your thing."
When Jenni asked if that meant they were over, the episode ended. Ugh!