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Lana, Larry


Cloud Atlas codirector Lana Wachowski has opened up about the dark clouds of her past. 

The filmmaker, once known as Larry Wachowski, who shot to fame helming The Matrix trilogy with brother Andy, gave a speech at the Human Rights Campaign gala in San Francisco last Saturday in which she described the pain of growing up transgender.

"In the absence of words to defend myself, without examples, without models, I began to believe voices in my head that I am a freak, that I am broken, that there's something wrong with me, that I will never be lovable," Wachowski said in the speech obtained by The Hollywood Reporter.

Wachowski recalled how one day after school, she went to a nearby Burger King and wrote a suicide note. "It was addressed to my parents, and I really wanted to convince them that it wasn't their fault. It was just that I didn't belong," she said.

Wachowski went on to describe how she proceeded to make her way to a subway platform with the intention of leaping onto the tracks.

"I tried not to think of anything but jumping," she said. "As the train comes, just as the platform begins to rumble, suddenly I notice someone walking down the ramp...He stares at me the way animals stare at each other. I don't know why he didn't look away. All I know is, because he didn't, I am still here."

Cloud Atlas, which Wachowski directed with her brother and Tom Tykwer, hits theaters this Friday.