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Jessica Simpson

AKM-GSI

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Realy, every girl should own a pair of 8-inch Alaia platform hooker heels.

Sure, they're all body casts waiting to happen and probably made by the same people who supply the fine ladies of Spearmint Rhino. And on the wrong girl, they can make a leg look like a cheese slicer.

Our point: We can't get too annoyed with Jessica Simpson for wanting to wear shoes like this, when we own, like, eight pairs. But with that outfit? No. Not when you're wearing a massive sweater and tiny shorts. Not when you're sporting a set of Jaclyn Smith sunglasses and a boxy leather tote—classy as it might be, with that Louboutin label on it.

Girl, no. Unless you've started moonlighting on the pole. In which case, we need to talk.

What do you think of Simpson's cruel shoes? Gotta have 'em or make 'em stop?