This week was nothing if not packed with major life events.
So, without futher adieu, here are the biggest stories—and the important little ones—from the last seven days:
FOXY BABY: Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green welcomed son Noah Shannon Green, thereby transforming their lives forever.
REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dressing like they've known each other for a thousand years on their first viewable-by-us post-scandal outings...Not to be outdone, Liberty Ross is once again letting Rupert Sanders hug her in public.
MONEY SHOT: Hulk Hogan sued Gawker Media, Bubba the Love Sponge and the radio jock's ex-wife Heather Clem, the woman with Hogan in the sex tape that was so unceremoniously leaked to Gawker a couple weeks ago. Bubba slammed his old pal on the air and his attorney claims his client is the victim here.
EXPIRATION DATE: Kate Gosselin was fired from her post as a blogger for CouponCabin. Apparently she wasn't in keeping with the authenticity of the brand. So, for the record, she's not cutting coupons or her face.
BLAST FROM BRITNEY'S PAST: It's déjà vu all over again for Britney Spears, whose turbulent twenties are being rehashed as Sam Lutfi vs. the Spears family gets underway in court.
HEART-TO-HEARTS: Susan Sarandon recalled a "disgusting" casting couch misadventure when she was starting out as an actress...Fergie opened up to, who else, Oprah Winfrey about working through Josh Duhamel cheating allegations earlier in her marriage...Gerard Butler talked about going to rehab...
BABY TALK: Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson named their daughter, wait for it, Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson...Holly Madison's having a girl...Rapper Tyga welcomed a son, King Cairo Stevenson, with girlfriend Blac Chyna...
THEY DO: First look at Mrs. Jack Osbourne's dress...Fresh Prince of Bel Air's Alfonso Ribeiro swapped vows with Angela Unkrich...Clueless star Elisa Donovan married Charlie Bigelow in Carmel, Calif....Downton Abbey's Joanna Froggatt married James Cannon in England
SPLITSVILLE: Russell Crowe and his wife of nine years, Danielle Spencer, are on the outs...Dancing With the Stars pros Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya are divorcing...Scarlett Johansson and ad exec Nate Naylor split up...Dennis Quaid's wife, Kimberly, filed for legal separation, five months after stopping divorce proceedings...Daniel Radcliffe and girlfriend Rosie Coker went their separate ways...
FAREWELLS: Gary Collins, actor and veteran TV host, died of natural causes; he was 74...Sylvia Kristel, star of franchise-launching adult film Emmanuelle, died of cancer at 60...B.B. Cunningham, keyboardist for Jerry Lee Lewis and leader of the Hombres, was shot to death in Memphis; he was 70.
TV LAND: Khloé Kardashian Odom and Mario Lopez officially named cohosts of The X Factor, which was delayed by rain this week...Tina Fey and Amy Poehler tapped to host the 2013 Golden Globe Awards...Jimmy Kimmel kinda apologized to Bristol Palin for all the Sarah Palin jokes...Bristol ditched the backstage Q&A after being eliminated from Dancing With the Stars...Dmitry won Project Runway...Private Practice ending after short sixth season...Turns out Two and a Half Men needed a woman's touch...Teen Mom 2 returning Nov. 12...Animal Practice canceled, Whitney's coming back...Ashton Kutcher is the highest-paid actor on TV...Viewers in Greece didn't get to see the same-sex kiss on Downton Abbey...Five amazing Honey Boo Boo facts...America's Next Top Model including male models for cycle 20...Original Apprentice winner Bill Rancic coming to Celebrity Apprentice as a mentor.
RECAPS: Catch up on the week's episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Jersey Shore, The X Factor, Sons of Anarchy, presidential debating, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars, Gossip Girl, Revenge, The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, The Walking Dead, Homeland, Dexter, Once Upon a Time and Saturday Night Live.
SCREEN PLAY: Get your latest Oscar buzz cheat sheat...Watch Tom Cruise in the Jack Reacher trailer...See Chloë Moretz's fiery turn in Carrie...Rupert Sanders' first post-K.Stew-scandal project will be directing The Juliet...Edgar Wright's Ant Man due in theaters Nov. 6, 2015...
MUSICAL NOTES: JEnnifer Lopez had a nip slip onstage in Italy...Beyoncé will headline the Super Bowl XLVII halftime show next February...Miley Cyrus says it's pretty obvious the Jonas Brothers' "Wedding Bells" is about her...Questlove will teach a course on classic albums at NYU...Drake earned his high school diploma...Listen to Taylor Swift's latest, "State of Grace"...the Rolling Stones will be celebrating their 50th anniversary with concerts.
LAW & DISORDER: Amanda Bynes pleaded not guilty to driving with a suspended license...Bling Ring member Diana Tamayo sentenced to probation for Lohan break-in...Lebanon threatening to sue Homeland for negative portrayal of Beirut...Howard K. Stern's conviction on prescription-drug conspiracy charges reinstated...Flavor Flav is accused of all sorts of nasty business...Warner Bros. and DC Comics don't have to give up any rights to Superman...Three 6 Mafia's DJ Paul arrested for public drinking, carrying a taser...Racial discrimination suit against The Bachelor dismissed...Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Lisa Vanderpump sued for sexual harassment...Smallville actor Sam Jones released from prison in drug case.
OUCH: Liam Hemsworth twisted his knee on the set of Catching Fire.
HEALING: Mob Wives' Renee Graziano checked into rehab.
SURREAL ESTATE: A heavenly view of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's sprawling L.A. home...Inside Britney Spears' new $8.5 million home in Thousand Oaks, Calif...Harry Styles snatched up a North London bachelor pad for $4.8 million...Check out Kristen Stewart's $2.195 million Los Feliz digs...Billy Bob Thornton selling L.A. home he shared with Angelina for almost $10 million.
FASHION FORWARD: Khloé and Lamar Odom unveil their latest fragrance, Unbreakable Joy...Watch part two of Brad Pitt's Chanel No. 5 campaign...See Michelle Obama and Ann Romney's fierce fuchsia looks at the second presidential debate...Alessandra Ambrosio was tapped to don the $2.5 million Victoria's Secret "Fantasy Bra" this year...Justin Bieber added to Adidas' roster of faces...Kendall and Kylie Jenner launching a teen fashion line...Keira Knightley and hot friends get witchy for W...Rihanna's on the cover of Vogue.