Between Justin Bieber's elaborate Twitter hoax and Bam Margera's poor taste in pet photography, it was hard to know what to believe this week.
With that in mind, we've taken the liberty of sorting it all out for you right here.
Dig in, because these celebs' stories have been known to change at a moment's notice!
UTTER DISBELIEB: Jury's still out (don't worry, not a real jury) on whether a laptop was stolen from Justin Bieber's tour manager. What isn't in doubt is that the Biebs pulled off a crafty Twitter stunt when he led people to believe that some anonymous creep was gearing up to blast the singer's personal videos online for the world to see, when the only thing getting blasted was the teen's new video with Nicki Minaj. *We wonder what his cousins Ryan Gosling and Avril Lavigne have to think about this!)
JACKASSERY: Bam Margera never would have posed with a fake gun pressed to his pit bull puppy's head if he had known there had been a recent rash of dog abuse in Philadelphia. But otherwise, of course, it would have been hilarious.
SETTING THE SCENE: Hulk Hogan explained the circumstances surrounding the sex tape he unwittingly made about six years ago. And guess what? The explanation didn't make it any less creepy.
TAKEN FOR A RIDE: Lindsay Lohan must be tired, what with being up all night fighting with her mom, while on the phone with her dad, who was taping their conversation because he's out to get her mom, who said Lindsay was dead to her, then hugged her, prompting Lindsay to want to vote for Mitt Romney, probably because she'd have more money to give her family if she paid fewer taxes, but she's not registered to vote, and even if she were it'd probably be in a blue state... Thumbs-up on her red hair, though, even if it's wrong. And at least there is once again room for her at the inn.
OCTOGONE? Nadya Suleman won't be prosecuted for child neglect after a couple of her former nannies told police they had witnessed some unsavory things going down at the Octomom's residence.
LIVE MAN'S CHEST: Johnny Depp is totally alive—but you were worried there for a sec.
FAREWELLS: Sammi Kayne Kraft, a young athlete who made her acting debut in the Bad News Bears remake. was killed in a car crash; she was 20...Alex Karras, Detroit Lions great turned actor, died of kidney failure; he was 77...Sons of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis cremated and buried at sea.
WHOA, BABY: Reggie Bush's girlfriend, Lilit Avagyan, is pregnant with their first child...More like, what baby? Vanessa Lachey is already looking mighty slim...The Bachelor's Jason and Molly Mesnick are expecting their first child...Nick Lachey shows off baby Camden...The Office's Oscar Nuñez and wife Ursula Whittaker welcomed their first child, daughter August Luce...Sienna Miller debuts baby Marlowe's face.
COUPLING: The Bachelorette's Emily Maynard and Jef Holm are hanging in there...Onscreen philanderers Alexis Bledel and Vincent Kartheiser are engaging in a little offscreen monogamy...Olivia Wilde has moved in with marathon partner Jason Sudeikis...Scott Speedman and Camille de Pazzis were making out in Hawaii.
POP GO THE POLITICS: Stacey Dash found herself on the defensive after endorsing Mitt Romney...Friday Night Lights creater Peter Berg isn't a fan of Mitt Romney's usurpation of the whole "clear eyes, full hearts" thing...Sarah Jessica Parker isn't impressed by Paul Ryan's Timely guns...Unlike LiLo, Barbra Streisand is no Romney fan...Sesame Street doesn't want to be used as a pawn by President Barack Obama's campaign, either...Romney skips Nickelodeon Q&A with the kids...Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly had it out.
WEDDING BELLS: Amber Tamblyn and David Cross swapped vows in the most hipster nuptials ever...Jack Osbourne and Lisa Stelly tied the knot in Hawaii...Guy Ritchie and Jacqui Ainsley are engaged...Audra McDonald and Will Swenson got hitched.
TV LAND: Check out the first pic of Kendall Jenner making her acting debut on Hawaii 5-0...Dancing With the Stars backstage scoop...Watch Anderson Cooper's reaction to Bristol Palin's meltdown...Anderson Cooper vs. Star Jones...All-Star Celebrity Apprentice cast revealed (Gary Busey, Bret Michaels, Omarosa and more!)...Jon Krasinski shares his favorite Office prank...Teen Wolf's Colton Haynes won't be back for season three...CBS' Made in Jersey was the first casualty of the fall 2012 season...Next season of Louie delayed to spring 2014.
RECAPS: Jersey Shore, The X Factor goes to the judges' houses, The X Factor top 24 reveal, Dancing With the Stars double elimination, Sons of Anarchy, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars performance anxiety, Gossip Girl, The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part 2, Revenge, Homeland, Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, Once Upon a Time and Saturday Night Live.
MUSICAL NOTES: Lady Gaga was the latest pop star to throw up onstage...Still-apologetic Jason Aldean leading American Country Award nominations with seven...Rihanna, Nicki Minaj lead nominations for American Music Awards with four apiece...Rihanna strips for Unapologetic cover...Listen to the Rolling Stones' latest, "Doom and Gloom"...Stevie Nicks was sorry about saying she'd have strangled Nicki Minaj on the American Idol set...Lada Gaga won a LennonOno Grant for Peace.
LAW & DISORDER: Trespasser at Miley Cyrus' place sentenced to 18 months in jail...Taryn Manning released from custody after alleged assault on her hairdresser, who's not pressing charges...Nelly's tour bus raided, cops allegedly find heroin, guns and (you better sit for this) marijuana...Ice T's son, Tracy Morrow Jr., arrested on outstanding speeding warrant, effs the police via Twitter...Pussy Riot's Yekaterina Samutsevich released from jail in Moscow...Redmond O'Neal a free man after completing court-ordered treatment.
HOSPITAL CORNER: Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett's 2-year-old son, Hank Jr., was hospitalized for an undisclosed reason...LeAnn Rimes' dental woes landed her in the ER with an infection...Tori Spelling revealed she had serious health complications while carrying baby Finn...Mickey Rourke all banged up after plastic surgery...Robin Roberts home from the hospital after bone marrow transplant...Jennifer Love Hewitt broke her wrist boxing...Miley and mom Tish Cyrus sported matching bandages after routine checkups.
FASHION FORWARD: Jennifer Lawrence is the new face of Miss Dior...Jennifer Aniston gets a stake in and becomes the face, er, head of Living Proof hair care...Rihanna and Britney Spears both have new fragrance ads...Pregnant Girls star Jemima Kirke posed topless for Vice...Brad Pitt is lending a masculine vibe to Chanel No. 5...Cover girl Nicole Kidman opens up about marriage to Tom Cruise in the fittingly named Bazaar...Esquire deemed Mila Kunis the Sexiest Woman Alive.
OUT THERE: Robert Pattinson set off a few sparks with a mystery blonde at the Dream Hotel's Electric Room...Katie Holmes rode the subway like a regular person, as did Jay-Z...Kate Middleton and Prince William went clubbing in London with Pippa and royal cousin Princess Eugenie...Holly Madison hit up Mickey's Halloween Party at Disneyland dressed as Sleeping Beauty...George Clooney gave a homeless man some money during date night with Stacy Keibler.