Mitt Romney, Don't Fire Big Bird! These Other Five Sesame Street Muppets Though...

Grover, Grundgetta and Abby Cadabby deserve to be laid off if PBS funding is cut

By John Boone Oct 05, 2012 9:23 PMTags
Mitt Romney, Big BirdWin McNamee/Getty Images; AP Photo/Matt Sayles

Mitt Romney likes firing people (he's said as much himself). And if we learned one thing from this week's presidential debate—foreign policy and economics be damned—it's that the GOP hopeful has Big Bird in his crosshairs too.

The Internet quickly fought back using the best ammunition it had: Memes and trending topics, naturally. But we're not sure why our big feathered friend is at the center of all this controversy, because if PBS's funding is getting cut, there's plenty of other Sesame Street Muppets we'd rather see get fired first.

PBS

1. Grundgetta: Oscar the Grouch's girlfriend might look like Sesame Street's version of Ke$ha, sans any of the glitter or the fun, but she's missing one crucial element that might make us love her: Autotune. She's loud, irritating and always picking fights with her (in)significant other. Security, please escort Grungie out!

PBS

2. Telly Monster: We could get down with the old Telly—aka "Television"—who was obsessed with TV (we are too). But the new Telly—a neurotic, hot mess of a Muppet prone to paranoia and fits of manic pogo-sticking—needs to be medicated, not employed. So please, Mr. Monster, pack your things and go.

PBS

3. Abby Cadabby: We were all for Sesame Street wanting to diversify the gender of the neighborhood. But do not approve of the airhead fairy they brought on to hit the lady quota. She's constantly in awe of, well, every little thing. And her only power is turning things into pumpkins. Welcome to your exit interview, Abs.

PBS

4. Honkers: In the greatest example of life not being fair, the Honkers have horns where ears are meant to be (and bulbs that trigger the honking where their noses should be), which means that they themselves are the only ones not subjected to the auditory annoyingness they create. Hey Honkers, you're canned.

PBS

5. Grover: This might be our most controversial choice, but hear us out: While some may vote to ditch the oh-so-beloved Elmo (he had his time in the sun, it's time for him to pack the giggle and go), we're giving the pink slip to Grover. Because really, what's he bringing to the table? Nothing. Nothing really. And we wouldn't miss him.