CNNApparently, the Washington state vampires have left Forks in pursuit of Danny Bonaduce.
The former Partridge Family child star—who now works as a radio DJ in Seattle—is nursing his wounds after he was bitten by a crazed fan at a Washington casino Friday night.
Bonaduce was making an appearance at the venue when a woman asked him for a kiss and proceeded to give him the kind of, er, peck no one wants to receive.
"The first lady in line...says 'I love your radio show. I loved you on The Partridge Family. Can you kiss me?' And I said, 'Sure,'" Bonaduce told Seattle's KIRO-TV station.
Cue the bloodsucking reaction as Bonaduce describes how the woman wrapped both her arms around his head and sunk her teeth deep into his left cheek.
"They were tiny little Chucky teeth. Man, they just gnawed like piranhas," Bonaduce details. "People are trying to pull her off me...I'm screaming like a baby."
"It was so painful," he continues. "It was...as if someone wadded up 10 lit cigarettes and stuck them on your face, but they didn't go out, they just stayed that hot."
Despite the agonizing kiss, Bonaduce was simply given antibiotics for treatment and is not planning on pressing charges.
However, he does have a theory as to what made the fan so delusional: "Bath salts," he admitted was his first thought after the attack.
Nah, we'll stick to blaming the Robsten breakup.