We laughed, we cried, we cringed. A lot.
While this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey might have lagged in places, the reunion recap didn't hold back. Jacqueline Laurita and Teresa Giudice were going at each other hard before the first commercial break and it just escalated from there.
But it wasn't just about French manicured finger pointing. Bravo aired the sweetest montage of Jacqueline and her autistic son Nicholas that had everyone tearing by the end. He's just 3, but has regressed to the point that he can't tell Jacqueline he loves her anymore. Gulp.
If she was smart, Tre should have thrown up her hands in defeat and kept her mouth shut for the rest of the show. Who isn't going to be on Team Jacqueline when the poor woman is dealing with issues far more important than a sister-in-law who wears the same glitter eyeshadow?
Instead, Teresa blurted out how li'l Audriana and Nicholas used to be girlfriend and boyfriend, but they'd broken up. Bad move. But it did prompt one of the best lines of the night from Caroline Manzo: "Listen, you and your f--king Christmas pageant dress, sit back and shut the f--k up, we're talking about this kid."
Teresa just doesn't know when to get her digs in.
She revealed Caroline had a tummy tuck, then mocked her "blubber" and need for Botox just after daughter Lauren Manzo's shared her weight struggles and bemoaned the people on Twitter who tell her she's "fat and disgusting."
And Tre got served again. "You realize that what you're saying to her right now is the reason that people out there kill themselves because of d--kheads like you," accused Lauren. Seriously Teresa, it's all about timing.
It's no surprise Teresa hasn't seen any of the women except Melissa Gorga since last season, (and apparently even that encounter at Gia's birthday went badly). Jacqueline also revealed how it wasn't just the Porsche fashion show that ruined their friendship. According to her, she overheard Teresa reneging on their Napa Valley reunion, telling Melissa that same night, "I hate Jacqueline, I can't look at her effing face…"
So what else did viewers learn tonight?
Caroline isn't menopausal, she's just a self-diagnosed bitch.
Kathy Wakile had her nose and lips done and looked fabulous. Jacqueline's also had her lips done and filler on her cheekbones. In fact, all the women looked good, especially J.Lo look-alike Melissa—even with her disputed glitter eyes.
Lauren, who's 35 pounds lighter, claimed Teresa doesn't write her own blog posts for Bravo's website, which seemed largely based on T.'s inability to spell or define "napalm."
Teresa's convinced that Juicy Joe would score more digits than Richie Wakile. (Famous last words.)
And Kathy may or may not have almost gotten divorced.
And that's just part one of a three-episode reunion. Do you feel like all the drama made up for this lackluster season? Were you surprised at Kathy calling Teresa's mom a "f--king liar" and her dad a "coward"? (Seniors seem like they should be off limits, no?) Whose cocktail dress had you giving a thumbs up? Are you expecting Juicy Joe to cop to an extramarital affair, especially since Jacqueline seems to accuse him of an affair in his office? And who do you think is the bigger bully, Caroline or Teresa? Sound off on all things Jersey in the comments!
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