So, the 2012 MTV Video Music Awards were last night. Yeah...
Along with some extremely strong performances (shout-out to Frank Ocean!) and the overall pleasant vibes (host Kevin Hart even congratulated Snooki on her baby), here are five things from the show that sent our jaws dropping:
1. One Direction Hogs the Map: The British boy band, created by Simon Cowell in a lab (or on the U.K.'s X Factor, whatever), won a leading three moonmen tonight: Best Pop Video, Best New Artist and Most Share-Worthy Video, all for "What Makes You Beautiful." In running roughshod over the field, they topped what we thought were standard fan favorites like Justin Bieber (good thing he didn't bother to show), Rihanna, Maroon 5 and Carly Rae Jepsen. The lads also were lucky enough to score kisses on their smooth little cheeks from Katy Perry—except for Niall Horan, who got a full-on lip-lock!
2. Rihanna Gets Down With the People: Crowd-diving was rather commonplace (even Taylor Swift got in the act) last night, but Rihanna actually performed part of her show-opening number on the floor. Amid a crush of adoring fans. With only a couple of hard-working security guards to keep things from going terribly, terribly wrong. But Ri-Ri is nothing if not a survivor—and she made it through the grabby throng with nary a closely cropped hair out of place.
3. Gabby Douglas Tumbles for Nicki Minaj: Though the entire Fierce Five was on hand to introduce Minaj's duet with Alicia Keys on "Girl on Fire," only one member of the U.S. women's gymnastics team quickly changed clothes and actually did gymnastics during the performance. And though it was heavy on the cheese factor, we still preferred it to Minaj's over-baked spectacle at the Grammys.
4. Hey Look, a Toddler at an Awards Show: No, that wasn't just a small adult on Swizz Beatz' shoulders—that was his and Keys' 2-year-old son Egypt bopping along to Pink's "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)." Which, unlike his own mom's rather tame, Flying Squirrel-featuring performance with Minaj, wasn't exactly family friendly. Same goes for Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz' expletive-laden tune "No Worries."
5. Drake and Chris Brown's Hatchet Stays Buried: Whatever happened to the good old days of Kid Rock and Tommy Lee throwing down in the audience? Just kidding, it's wonderful that Brown and Drake, just a couple months removed from a bar brawl between their entourages—duly acknowledged by Hart in his monologue—threw neither physical nor verbal punches at each other tonight.
Maybe everyone just happened to pick the same night to grow up.
Well, not One Direction or little Egypt, but they've got time.