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True Blood Recap: Fairies vs. Fangs

True Blood John P. Johnson/HBO

It's the penultimate episode of True Blood's fifth season, you know what that means? The blood is going to hit the fan! 

Things are getting serious now. Russell Edgington (Denis O'Hare) is on a quest for Sookie's (Anna Paquin) half-fairy blood and Bill's (Stephen Moyer) newfound spirituality is making him all sorts of crazy.  Plus, are the True Blood bosses setting up next year's big bad? Let's break it down. 

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WHAT WE LEARNED 

Fresh Fairy: So it's not just humans vs. vampires anymore, the fairies are going to have their own battle against Russell Edgington after he hilariously discovers the whole fae population. Probably the best moment of the episode was Russell—who despite his evil plans still is No. 1 in our hearts—running around the field high on fairy scent. He's just the best. But is Sookie's future already spoken for by this mysterious Warlow?

Chosen Ones: All work and no play makes Bill (Stephen Moyer) a dull crazy vampire. And being a religious zealot is hard work. Crazy Lilith blood is making the new Authority act a little lot wacky. Everyone thinks they are Lilith's chosen person. Are they all just in a haze of bloodlust or is Lilith trying to pit them against each other?

Baby Vamp Sitter: It's a bit of an unfortunate coincidence that Fangtasia's dearly departed new boss is the progeny of an Authority member.  This season Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) is either babysitting her progeny's friends or taking the rap for Tara (Rutina Wesley), but she is taking her responsibilities of motherhood seriously. We like annoyed Pam. She's funny, but we hope she's getting closer to a reunion with her own maker, Eric (Alexander Skarsgård). Miss those BFFs.

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Shocked Papa: Mazel tov, Andy (Chris Bauer). The sheriff, who is finally working out his messy love life, has gone and knocked up a fairy. But let's backtrack and remind ourselves of True Blood's insane warp speed timeline. It's been a week since he got busy in the forest? How is that even possible? It was like 32 seasons ago. Minds blown.

Something Something Werewolves: We think there is a storyline here, but we got a little distracted by Joe Manganiello shirtless and chopping wood. We are professionals, but we're only human.

Rewind Moment: The crazy fairy elder was hilarious and crazy. We were thrilled to see Veronica Mars' Erica Gimpel (aka Wallace's mom) playing the easily distractible music buff. 

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ONE-LINERS

"It's kind of strange to find out you were sold to a vampire 300 years ago." —Sookie

"Since when did I become a halfway house for wayward baby vamps?" —Pam

"Kesha? For or against?" —Elder Fairy

"There is a reason you find vampires irresistible. A reason why you slut your heart out to every cute guy with fangs." —Elder Fairy

"Totally. Maybe later we can braid each other's hair and talk about boys. F--king baby vamps." —Pam

"I actually met [Jesus] he was a boring hippy who smelled of patchouli." —Russell

"What f--king fairy magic is this?" —Russell

You ready for the crazy finale? Still think Bill is faking it? Is there going to be a fairy bloodbath in the field? Sound off in the comments!

Check out photos from True Blood's season five

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