Introducing Chris Harrison, census taker of doom.
As the Bachelor Pad roomies either celebrated or squirmed following Reid and Donna's ouster, the ever chipper host returned to the house to distribute presumably highly personal surveys that he encouraged the 14 remaining contestants to answer as openly and honestly as possible.
Well, that was bound to cause mass devastation, now wasn't it?
The fruit of their box-checking labor manifested itself in "Bachelor Pad Game Show Mashup," a trivia challenge ultimately won by power couple Ed Swiderski, who got lucky with questions like 'Who was the fifth Bachelorette?' (er, Jillian Harris) and Jaclyn Swartz, aka "the fakest in the house," according to Jamie Otis, aka "the most annoying girl in the house."
Though Sarah Newlon was licking her chops in anticipation of some alone time with Ed, Jaclyn smartly asked her partner out on her reward date. The pair got to run the bases, take batting practice and otherwise enjoy our national pastime (our national pastime is acting douchey at a picnic, right?) at Dodger Stadium.
The Kiss Cam somehow tracked Jaclyn and Ed down in the otherwise completely empty stadium and they shared a smooch—which was followed, almost condescendingly, by actual fireworks.
Meanwhile, already assured of immunity, Ed sacrificed the date he was supposed to have by going with Jaclyn, and they got to pick another lucky gent to give a date rose—and they picked Chris Bukowski!
And since one woman's opportunist partner is another's prince charming on Bachelor Pad, Chris overlooked both his partner, Blakeley Shea, and Jamie, the annoying but hot chick he spent the whole night "cuddling" with, and asked Sarah out.
"Maybe it'll bite me in the ass one day," Chris mused, "but Sarah, she's superhot and I want to have fun."
"You are like a little stir-up person, Chris," Sarah laughed with him as their date limo carried them away from the drama. "Creating a little love triangle between Blakeley and Jamie, and taking me on a date...So, would that be a love square?"
After a day of stunt training with a film crew, Chris, not having the real thing, offered Sarah a rose fashioned out of a strawberry and they shared some champagne-fueled smooches in a hot tub.
All the while, Jamie was thinking that Chris didn't go out with her to "protect her" from Blakeley. Too bad what he was actually doing was getting a hotel room with Sarah.
"The best thing I could have done was trade in Blakeley and Jamie for Sarah," Chris said as the back room dealing got underway.
First off, the rose that Ed would have had to hand out on a date went to Rachel Trueheart back at the house. After Chris returned from his all-nighter, the pool of potential rejects narrowed down to fanboy David Mallet and Blakeley.
With Bachelor Pad veteran Michael Stagliano and Kalon McMahon insisting that they wouldn't vote for Blakeley, Ed tried to convince Chris that getting rid of his partner would be a bad PR move on his part—but Chris then confronted Kalon, who said he would vote for Blakeley.
Well, it would seem she needs a new partner ASAP, but Blakeley survived the gauntlet and Jamie was sent home, courtesy of those who have no use for Chris' sleazy ways.
Leaving with Jamie, as expected, was David, who as a newcomer to the whole Bachelor world was always playing catch-up.
Michael summed up the situation best: "Chris has been going around starting a lot of little fires in girls' pants and, you play with fire, you get burned. This week, he got burned. Now, next week...man, he's in trouble. I can almost guarantee if he doesn't win the challenge, he'll go home."