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True Blood Recap: It's an All-Out Vampire-Human War—Everybody Panic!

True Blood, Rutina Wesley, Kristin Bauer van Straten John P. Johnson/HBO

While you were wasting the week away at work the True Blood vampires went and started a "holy war" by blowing up Tru Blood factories. What will those crazy kids get up to next? But there is another contingent of troublemakers in Bon Temps: Obama-mask wearing psychos raging war on supernatural creatures and their sympathizers. Oh boy, the blood's going to hit the fan.

Lock your doors and windows, grab your stakes and garlic and find out what happened on the latest episode of True Blood

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WHAT WE LEARNED

That's the Law: Andy (Chris Bauer) should be pleased to learn that he actually isn't the worst lawmaker in Bon Temps. Seems like former Sherriff Bud Dearborne (William Sanderson) has taken up with a youngish supernatural-hater and they've been the cause of the parish rampage. R.I.P. Sherriff Dearborne, you crazy radical. 

Choosing Sides: Well it looks like Bill (Stephen Moyer) can't be trusted after all. Worst of all he turns on our precious Eric (Alexander Skarsgård). Bill is going through some religious crisis. Or he just really enjoys having hallucinations of sleeping with Salome (Valentina Cervi), Sookie and Lilith. It's like a Lilith bloodlust threesome. And unfortunately ends with Eric led away in handcuffs. 

New Sherriff in Town: We miss Eric and Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) so much. They are at their best when they are together. Pam and her growing pains with baby-vamp Tara (Rutina Wesley) has admittedly been entertaining, but Tara's no Eric. Alas, there are bigger problems on the horizon. Looks like Eric has lost his job as Sherriff of Area Five and there's a new long-haired vamp on the throne.

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Mo' Ghosts, Mo' Problems: Sookie's (Anna Paquin) house is haunted which might actually be the least of her problems if this wasn't True Blood. Sookie has quite the ride this episode. She's looking for her parents' murderer, she gets kidnapped, fed to pigs, and then fairies show up at her house unannounced. Good times. Actually this was a pretty easy week for dear old Sook. 

Dirty Dogs: Fascinating how some of these storylines are starting to merge together now. Russell Edgington (Denis O'Hare) is ready to take back control of his werewolf pack through V addiction, but he also spots the most adorable puppy in Luna's daughter, Emma, and takes her as a pet for his new boy toy, Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian). If we were betting people, we'd say Sam (Sam Trammell) will be knocking down some doors soon. 

Storyline #87: It might have been the least connected storyline, but at least it's wrapped up with a bow now. Terry (Todd Lowe) killed Patrick (Scott Foley) in the name of retribution and to stop the ifrit. Goodbye Scott Foley, we hardly knew you. 

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ONE-LINERS

"Creepy spirit thingy, why you in Sookie's bathroom?" —Lafayette

"Bitch stop texting me or I will eat you." —Tara's text

"There are two things I try to stay away from: Humans who eat a lot of fish and politics."  —Pam

"Just because we drank a bitch together doesn't make us Oprah and Gayle." —Pam

"She's a mind-reader with electric fingers and a fetish for fangers. If that ain't a sup I don't know what is." —Sweetie Des Arts

"I never had a pet, my father was allergic to everything except God." —Steve Newlin

"You better get back to slaughtering people in the name of God." —Eric

Did you like this episode of True Blood? Are the storylines finally merging? Worried about Eric's fate next week? Hit the comments!

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