It's safe to say this week was a tad bipolar when it came to entertainment news.
There was the dimension dominated by momentous happenings coming from the Games of the XXX Olympiad in London (that's what the queen calls it, anyway). And then there was the other world consumed by the sordid aftermath of the Shames of the XXX Cheating Scandal in Hollywood.
And those x's don't equal 30.
We've got the latest on both—plus all the other big news—right here:
DARKNESS BEFORE THE BREAKING DAWN: Consider Reese Witherspoon's Ojai ranch to be a sort of Cirque Lodge for the brokenhearted. (Is there room for Will Ferrell? He's taking this really hard.) Robert Pattinson had been spotted here-there-and-everywhere (well, everywhere but the house they shared in L.A.) after news broke that Kristen Stewart stepped out on him with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. But it turned out that he was lying low at Witherspoon's spacious estate. Genius! Not surprisingly, he isn't doing press for Cosmopolis—but he is set to attend the Aug. 13 premiere in NYC! The Twilight overlords who have built an empire based on the Robsten chemistry, meanwhile, are moving "full-steam ahead" with the Breaking Dawn Part 2 press tour. We can't wait to see if Rob and Kristen are still the same temperature.
THE GAMES BEGIN: The 2012 Summer Olympics have only reached the halfway point and already so much is in the history books, from the U.S. women's gymnastics team gold to the USA Dream Team's domination to Zara Phillips winning equestrian silver to the hootenanny over at the Aquatic Centre. Get everything we have on the London Games right here.
OLYMPIC ROYALTY: First "Queen Elizabeth II" and James Bond parachuted into the Opening Ceremony. And now Kate Middleton, Prince William and Prince Harry are the MVPs of Team Great Britain, with every appearance they make meriting as many headlines as the sport they're watching. Were you going to be reading about field hockey otherwise?
NEED FOR SPEEDO: When hot new thing Ryan Lochte beat Michael Phelps in their first matchup in London—and Phelps didn't even medal—the hype machine was drooling, thinking, "Yes! We've got hype!" But then Lochte, who had his eye on going six-for-six in competition, only managed one more gold (in a relay that Phelps anchored) and Phelps added three golds (four if his 4x100-meter medley team wins tonight) to his CV en route to becoming the most decorated Olympian ever with a whopping 21 medals. Once again, that could be 22 pending the relay outcome.
NEEDLED: Macaulay Culkin's rep vehemently denied a National Enquirer report that the Home Alone star was a sickly heroin addict with a very negative prognosis.
TAYLOR S.: Turns out Taylor Swift spending time with Patrick Schwarzenegger was just a red herring—she's actually dating Conor Kennedy, a grandson of the late Bobby Kennedy (and a Schwarzenegger relative, be it by marriage, blood or whatever mystical substance ties the dynasty together). Grandma Ethel Kennedy has already given her seal of approval.
HOW SURI SPENT HER SUMMER VACATION: This week, mom Katie Holmes took her to the Bronx Zoo and to lunch. Then, Tom Cruise took the 6-year-old on vacation to Disney World, where she apparently auditioned for the role of Ariel.
WEDDING BELLS: Mark-Paul Gosselaar tied the knot with Catriona McGinn in Santa Ynez., Calif.
JACKSON JIVE: Katherine Jackson is now sharing custody of Michael Jackson's children with her grandson T.J., but at least she's back in the game. In the meantime, Janet, Randy and Rebbie Jackson are still doubting the legitimacy of Michael's will.
BABY BOOM: Jake Busey and fiancée April Hutchinson welcomed their first child, daughter Autumn Rosalia...Elizabeth Berkley and husband Greg Lauren welcomed their first child, son Sky Cole...Bill Hader and wife Maggie welcomed their second child, daughter Harper.
UNHITCHING POST: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills couple Adrienne Maloof and hubby Paul Nassif have separated...Stevie Wonder filed for divorce from wife Kai Millard Morris after 11 years...Bret Michaels and Kristi Gibson called off their engagement.
SCREEN PLAY: Kristen Stewart scored a role that could have been Jennifer Lawrence's in Lie Down in Darkness, based on William Styron's novel...Total Recall vs. Total Recall...The Hobbit will be a trilogy instead of a two-parter...Brad Pitt's pretty badass in the Killing Them Softly trailer...Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen will be in Scary Movie 5...Lynn Cohen (Magda in SATC!) will play Mags in Catching Fire...Christopher Eccleston will play supervillain Malekith the Accursed in Thor: The Dark World...The Paranormal Activity 4 trailer is super creepy...Nicole Kidman and Zach Efron are up to weird, sexy stuff in The Paperboy trailer...The Dark Knight Rises passed $300 million at the U.S. box office...Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana fall in love in The Words trailer...The only thing the Skyfall trailer is missing is Queen Elizabeth II.
TV LAND: Good Morning America's Robin Roberts unexpectedly took a vacation midshow...Designer Andrea Katz left Project Runway in the middle of the night...Jersey Shore comes back Oct. 4...Jason Segel is patiently waiting to see who the mother is right along with the rest of us...ABC pulls Fred Willard's Trust Us With Your Life from the schedule...Meet the next cast of America's Next Top Model...Catch up on Bachelor Pad, Breaking Bad, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, True Blood and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
MUSIC NOTES: Rihanna and Drake lead MTV Video Music Awards nominees...Watch Carrie Underwood's "Blown Away" video...Justin Bieber gets the stuffing beat out of him in his "As Long as You Love Me" video...John Mayer tramps around in "Queen of California" video...Listen to Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis ' pre-split duet...Pitbull performed in Kodiak, Alaska.
LAW & DISORDER: Dark Knight Rises shooting suspect James Holmes charged with 142 counts, including 24 counts of first-degree murder...Police and other saviors flocked to Miley Cyrus' house after receiving a prank call about a possible home invasion...Cuba Gooding Jr. had a brush with the law in New Orleans, but the bartender he allegedly shoved dropped the charges, as did the authorities...Scout Willis slapped with community service for underage drinking in New York...Lamb of God singer Randy Blythe bailed out of a Czech prison...Sheryl Crow secured a restraining order.
HOSPITAL CORNER: Johnny Depp was visiting his mom at L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center...Rosie O'Donnell has postponed her wedding while fiancée Michelle Rounds is treated for a rare tumor...Toby Keith had his gallbladder removed and was back on stage four days later.
FAREWELLS: Tony Sly, longtime frontman for punk band No Use for a Name, died suddenly at 41...Gore Vidal, outspoken literary icon and writer for stage and screen, died of complications from pneumonia at 86.
FUN IN THE SUN: Jada Pinkett Smith is 40 and sporty in her Bond-girl-worthy bikini.