We'll just start by saying that our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of the senseless shooting in Colorado that left 12 people out for a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises dead and another 58 injured.
But while we follow that tragic story, we've still got your weekly rundown of everything else that sparked in the entertainment world right here.
And there's plenty to smile (or good-naturedly shake your first) at, so enjoy.
THIS ISN'T SPINAL TAP: Fred Willard was arrested during an LAPD vice squad visit to an adult movie theater in Hollywood. The comedic actor lost his PBS gig despite his insistance that the police had made a big mistake, and now prosecutors are giving him a chance at an alternative to facing charges.
EMMY ODDITIES: Mad Men leads all comers with 17 nominations for the 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. No surprise there. Bigger surprise? Ryan Murphy's anti-Glee, American Horror Story, tied Mad Men with the help of a little wiggle room—namely, it's in the miniseries/TV movie category, despite being presented to us layfolk as a, er, regular series. More Emmy news, including and the complete list of nominees, is right here.
BABY BOOM: Curly Sue star Alisan Porter welcomed her first child with hubby Brian Autenrieth, son Mason Blaise...Uma Thurman and fiancé Arpad Busson welcomed a daughter...Lily Allen and hubby Sam Cooper expecting their second child...Guy Ritchie and girlfriend Jacqui Ainsley are expecting their second child...Lindsay Lohan's dad, Michael, expecting a baby with on-again girlfriend Kate Major...
IN LOVING MEMORY: A friend of Sage Stallone, who is being memorialized at a funeral Saturday, insists that his friend could not have committed suicide. Sylvester Stallone spoke of his "agonizing" loss.
PERSONAL LOSS: Howard Stern and wife Beth are mourning the death of their 10-year-old bulldog, Bianca.
THE GOOD LIFE: Kris Humphries thumbs his Twitter nose at Kanye after signing a $24 million deal with the Brooklyn Nets.
THE WEIRD LIFE: Nadya Suleman, aka Octomom, made her stripping debut.
TV LAND: Sofia Vergara is the highest-paid gal on TV...The first Liz & Dick promo is out there...Aaron Sorkin is shuffling The Newsroom writing staff for season two...What did the Discovery Channel special Mermaids: The Body Found really tell us?
RECAPS: Catch up on the 10th season premiere of Project Runway, the Duets season finale, America's Got Talent elimination night, the America's Got Talent performance night, The Bachelorette: Men Tell All special, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, True Blood and Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
MUSIC NOTES: Glen Campbell cancels tour stops in Australia and New Zealand, citing health concerns related to his Alzheimer's diagnosis...Madonna canceled the Australian leg of her world tour, giving no reason...Is 13-year-old Madison Beer the next adorable young thing to be discovered by Justin Bieber?...Joss Stone revealed she used everything she had to buy herself out of her record contract...Reunited Backstreet Boys announce new album for 2013...Watch No Doubt's brand new "Settle Down" video.
SCREEN PLAY: Rotten Tomatoes suspended users from commenting on The Dark Knight Rises reviews after some people flipped their lid over the smattering of negative reviews that didn't jive with all the praise...Sam Claflin is at the top of the studio's wish list to play Finnick Odair in Catching Fire...Amanda Plummer signed on to The Hunger Games sequel as Wiress...Philip Seymour Hoffman starts a religion in The Master trailer...First trailer for Lindsay Lohan next feature film, The Canyons, is out. She's noticeably absent...The Amazing Spider-Man got schooled by Ice Age: Continental Drift in its second weekend out.
LAW & DISORDER: Full House's Jodie Sweetin sued the other driver involved in an accident she was in...Sarah Hyland's boyfriend, Matt Prokop, had cash stolen from his wallet in Las Vegas...Seth Rogen's wife got a restraining order against a wannabe friend of the family...Billy the Exterminator's William Bretherton pleaded not guilty to drug charges...Brittany Murphy's father's lawsuit against L.A. coroner dismissed.
FAREWELLS: Tom Davis, one of Saturday Night Live's original writers who partnered with Al Franken to create iconic sketches like "The Coneheads," died of cancer; he was 59...Miss Melodie, member of the rap group Boogie Down Productions whose real name was Ramona Scott, died of an undisclosed cause; she was 43...Kitty Wells, the Queen of Country Music, died after suffering a stroke; she was 92...Jon Lord, keyboardist and an original member of Deep Purple, died of pancreatic cancer; he was 71...Donald Sobol, author of the famed children's series Encyclopedia Brown, died of gastric lymphoma; he was 87...Celeste Holme, Oscar winner for Gentleman's Agreement, died at 95.
SURREAL ESTATE: Drake forked over $7.7 million for a piece of paradise, complete with grotto, in Hidden Hills...Kelly Clarkson's country estate in Fort Worth is on the market for $1.495 million.
FUN IN THE SUN: LeAnn Rimes is sweet in a peach bikini...Vanessa Hudgens shows results of working out while on her way to work out...Ashley Tisdale keeps her bikini top held high...Kim Kardashian takes the plunge in Miami without ever leaving the yacht.
FASHION FRENZY: Lady Gaga is crawling with men in the ad for her fragrance, Fame...Marie Claire South Africa went a little overboard with the Photoshop on involuntary cover girl Kate Middleton...Kim Kardashian and Rihanna square off in Givenchy...Rihanna will design her first collection...Miley Cyrus tries blond on for fun.