Fox, Instagram, WireImageOur heads are spinning, what with Kourtney Kardashian giving birth, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes settling their divorce just-like-that, the double exit on American Idol and the cast of The Twilight Saga making their final appearance at Comic-Con all together!
Good grief, there was a lot of news this week—and, as always, we've got it covered. Here's your weekly rundown of everything that mattered in the world of celebritainment.
WHOA, BABY: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick welcomed daughter Penelope Scotland Disick. Discuss. We certainly did.
SEPARATE BUT TOGETHER: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced that they had reached a mutually agreeable settlement, keeping in mind daughter Suri's best interests. That was that. Their lawyers haven't confirmed it, but it's common knowledge now that Suri will live mostly with her mom and dad got liberal visitation rights. Get the lowdown on everything the three of them are up to, Tom in California, Katie in New York and Suri in the middle.
RISE AND SHINE: Kim Kardashian's au naturel swimwear shoot at dawn proved that the sun does indeed rise in the east and set in the breast, er, west...Then Kim went horseback riding on the beach.
COMMANDER IN INK: Miley Cyrus got a line from a Theodore Roosevelt speech tattooed on her inner left forearm.
SHIFTING OUT OF IDOL: While all the focus was on whether Jennifer Lopez would stay or go, Steven Tyler up and left American Idol. Perhaps sensing the thunder being stolen, J.Lo then confirmed she was leaving, too. Is Randy Jackson next? Meanwhile, Miley, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and more are being considered as possible replacements—and Adam Lambert is on the wish list, too!
MS. BALDY: The back of Lindsay Lohan's head is not her best side.
PISH TOSH: We knew it would happen: Daniel Tosh finally went so far over the line he ended up in a different time zone. His next logical step? Order all rape references removed from the pilot of his upcoming animated series Brickleberry.
BABY BOOMING: Is Adele possibly already seven months along?...Snooki says she and Jionni are naming their son Lorenzo...Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's twins, Knox and Vivienne, are 4 already!...After a seemingly unnecessary amount of back and forth, Kris Humphries ex Myla Sinanaj denies being pregnant...Kelsey Grammar and wife Kayte welcomed daughter Faith Evangeline Elisa (all good names!) Grammer, their first child together...Sienna Miller and Tom Sturridge welcomed daughter Marlowe, their first child...Lily Allen's second child is reportedly on the way.
WEDDING BELLS: Ellie Kemper tied the knot with TV writer Michael Koman...Sara Ramirez swapped vows with Ryan Debolt...Grant Show is engaged to Katherine LaNasa...Lindsay Price is engaged to celeb chef Curtis Stone.
DETACHED: Vera Wang and husband Arthur Becker have separated...Jamie Campbell Bower and Ginny Weasley, er, Bonnie Wright aren't engaged anymore.
FAMILY TRAGEDY: Kyle Glover, the 11-year-old son of Tameka Foster, who's currently locked in a custody battle with Usher, suffered a serious head injury when he was hit by a jet ski. Police have identified the driver of the watercraft as a friend of the family.
SCREEN PLAY: Get change! A Magic Mike sequel is a possibility...Robert Pattinson tries on life after Twilight (it fits like a tailored suit) in the Cosmopolis trailer...New Gangster Squad trailer moves the Emma Stone-Ryan Gosling love story along...Mockingjay will, in fact, be split into two movies...He's not even 80 yet, but Peter O'Toole has decided he's had enough of the acting game...Philip Seymour Hoffman joins Catching Fire as Plutarch Heavensbee...The Amazing Spider-Man had a $140 million holiday week.
TV LAND: ...MTV renews Teen Wolf for a third season...Robert Blake couldn't hold it together in an interview with Piers Morgan...Best and worst of the 2012 ESPYs...Catch up on America's Got Talent, The Bachelorette, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, True Blood, The Real Housewives of New Jersey and more Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
MUSIC NOTES: Are the One Direction guys tweeting naked shower pics of each other?...You can't buy Frank Ocean's critically praised Channel Orange at Target. Why, clashes with the red?...Beyoncé praised Ocean for his recent openness and acceptance...Fleetwood Mac reunion on tap for 2013...Florence Welch cancels upcoming shows due to vocal issues...Run-D.M.C. planning to perform for first time in a decade...Kanye West sang to Kim during a concert in Atlantic City.
LAW & DISORDER: Madonna sued over "Vogue" all of a sudden...Wynnona Judd sued her ex-stepfather...Cat Cora's DUI mug shot released...Courtney Love sued by ex-assistant...Octomom sued by strip club...Justin Bieber was ticketed for speeding, then sued by woman who claims she suffered hearing loss after a concert...Julianna Margulies sued by former talent managers.
HOSPITAL CORNER: Michael Clarke Duncan was hospitalized after suffering cardiac arrest...Kristin Chenoweth needed a trip to the hospital after getting banged in the head on the set of The Good Wife. One would think that's a safe show to work on.