This episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey has been brought to you by In Touch magazine.
The weekly glossy is worth mentioning since most of tonight's bad blood stems from Teresa Giudice's latest magazine cover. It's no Olive Garden dig (see: Fabulicious) but the article accuses Caroline Manzo of bullying Teresa about her financial situation. The redhead fumes, but skips any table-flipping drama since the gang is attending her brother Jaime Laurita's same-sex wedding in Chicago.
The tabloid—or firewood as Kathy Wakile calls it—also makes its way to the Jersey Shore...
Self-proclaimed "classy yet sexy" couple Joe and Melissa Gorga are throwing a rager at their beach house that includes whipped cream fights and tossing people into the pool. Yeah, we're still trying to figure out where the classy comes in—especially since the kids seem to be watching the grownups act like teenagers. Regardless, Rich Wakile uses the occasion to encourage Joe to reach out to his sister, again.
Instead of pushing the therapy angle again, Rich suggests "maybe call it a mediator" to make Teresa more comfortable with the idea of hashing out their problems in front of a third party. We were almost ready to nominate Kathy's husband for a humanitarian of the year award until he said, "Put it out there that you're trying and she's not."
Media savvy? Yes. Noble? Not so much.
Too bad Teresa's still spouting her Italians-don't-do-therapy mantra. As long as we're talking stereotypes, didn't she watch The Sopranos?
Then again, the truth is a very fluid concept for Teresa. She cuddled a puppy on the cover of the magazine that was supplied by the editors. She also tells Jacqueline Laurita she'll be renewing her wedding vows for a future issue of In Touch. With any luck, the ceremony will take place this season so Joe Giudice can make another crack about her "t-ts" hanging out and call her a whore in front of all her friends.
Plus, another garden wedding would be a great excuse to wear some more funky fascinators, listen to the Garden State crew put on their best English accents, confuse Kate Hudson with Kate Middleton (which Teresa did twice tonight!), roast a suckling pig and set off more wish lanterns.
But it looks like we'll have to wait for the Giudice's very special vow renewal, at least until the gang's gone to Napa. Chris, Albie and Christopher have some new clients to meet and have invited everyone to join them on a booze-soaked business trip. Just what this group needs.
Are you looking forward to a no holds barred getaway fueled by unlimited bottles of wine? Was anyone else hoping Caroline would finally crack and say something to Teresa's face tonight? And were Teresa's magazine admissions (like getting paid to talk and the faux puppy) shocking to anyone or pretty much the publishing industry's worst kept secret?
Weigh in on all things Jersey in our comments section below!