Joseph Connolly/Getty Images, Kevin Mazur/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
What's with the nasty chatter about Linds and Sam? When it's you and Jon-Jon on some Hawaiian beach, it's fine; when it's Sam in her bikini, it's laughable for some odd reason. I have never, ever criticized you before, but this seems too mean-spirited to have come from you. I'll forgive you this time, but next time you can film Truth, Lies & Ted in a black bikini, by golly.
—W.
Dear If the Tan Line Fits:
Actually, it's pink, not black. Check it out tomorrow on the show! Thanks, babe.
Dear Ted:
I had the craziest dream about you last night. For whatever reason, you decided you weren't actually gay. Apparently, we had a good time. I just wonder what missive inspired that little fantasy? I know you're a happily married man. It gave me quite a chuckle this morning. Love the new format. Give those naysayers hell!
—Lorelei
Dear Orgasmic Approval:
Why? I'd much rather give them wet dreams, darling. Thanks buckets!
Dear Ted:
Is it true or false that Sarah Palin hunts and kills wolves?
—Dolly Misty
Dear Political Huntress:
True, particularly those in Democrats' clothing.
Dear Ted:
I'm wondering if Toothy Tile is Jason Lee?
—Melanie Lyle
Dear Det. Closet:
Right look, wrong dude. But there's certainly a common thread here, doll-babe, at least 'tude wise.
Dear Ted:
I don't care how many people write and say you shouldn't talk politics, that you should stick to gossip or leave the terrifying chick with horrible highlights alone, blah, blah, blah—I absolutely love every minute of it.
—Megan
Dear On-Target:
You, me and Tina Fey, thanks, Ms. M!