Bob Mahoney/The CWDear Ted:
So, Fifty Shades of Naughty...I finally jumped on that juicy bandwagon, oh wise one! Skipping through much of the book (so poorly written it's painful to read), I found the naughties absolutely delicious. While I'm not a huge Alexander Skarsgård fan (sorry), I would take him as Christian any day over Ian Somerhalder, whom I find quiet icky. I'd much prefer Taylor Kinney, though, who is yummy beyond reason. And sorry but I absolutely, positively will not accept Lily Collins as Ana. She's way too vanilla. How about Amanda Seyfried? That's who popped into my head when I started reading. Kisses to your babies.
—Iris
Dear Bad-Writing Cop:
Wow, the Kinney-ites are out! (See below.) But isn't it funny how you're insinuating we've got another Twilight situation brewing—not great prose combined with a massive following? Sorta agree on Lily. Don't agree on Taylor. Read on.
Dear Ted:
Taylor Kinney should play Christian Grey in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. He is an alum of The Vampire Diaries and, although I never saw him on that show, he was dynamite in the cable movie Five. In his brief appearance, Taylor was supersexy! One can easily imagine how wonderful it would be to be his submissive. Also, Taylor is/was rumored to be dating Lady Gaga. I know you know all of this...I'd like to know your thoughts please. Thanks!
—Tcbtoni
Dear Stretching It:
I really think Somerhalder and A.Skars are the best suggestions so far. I think you're grasping a bit, stardom-wise, sorry.
Dear Ted:
All the Catching Fire fan-casting seems to be about Finnick (who I believe Garrett Hedlund should play). But what about the very important Johanna Mason? Who should play her? Also was Chuck Finger-Dingle at the Met Gala?
—H
Dear Fancy Dress:
Yes. And how ‘bout Rooney Mara for Johanna?
Dear Ted:
I just watched The Avengers and I am in love with Scarlett Johannson. Does she have a Vice? And is Leighton Meester bitchy like Queen B in Gossip Girl? Thanks and all the best!
—Claire Carlyle
Dear Pissy Patrol:
Uh, somewhere in your query is a gal who is rumored to have a little deal with the diva devil—and it ain't Leighton, who's absolutely darling.
Dear Ted:
First time writing in and most likely the last (I'm much the observer type when it comes to this stuff. That said, I absolutely love the column and your snark)! Will you do me a favor and please tell me Lea Michele is not Harriet Talons? That said, has she gotten herself another moniker? Love to you and your pups! You've inspired my fiancé and I to adopt our next dog!
—Mumbles
Dear Don't Get It:
Darling, congrats on your humane decisions regarding the pooches (it really is the only way until this country stops euthanizing—a fancy word for killing—millions of helpless dogs and cats every year), but why is this also your last time writing in? Are we already fighting? No Lea clues until you tell me what's up!