If it was strange, sad, or uncomfortable, it probably happened this week.
But there was also the usual mixture of fun, hot and glam to go with the seeming glut of eyebrow-raising news, so waste no time digging in!
RUBBED THE WRONG WAY: Two wishing-to-remain-anonymous masseurs have teamed up to sue John Travolta for sexual battery and harassment, claiming he nakedly tried to grope them during their respective appointments. Then another, happy-to-identify-himself cruise ship employee claimed he was propositioned by the actor for money. Travolta's attorney says their stories aren't just pulp fiction—they're damned, dirty, easily refutable lies.
TIME SUCK: Personal breastfeeding regimens aside, not everyone (hardly anybody, in fact!) wants to see a child who looks old enough to pour himself a bowl of cereal clamped to his mother's breast on the cover of a national magazine. "This isn't how we breastfeed at home," cover mom Jamie Lynne Grumet assured people during a Today show appearance.
DOWN-HOME DRAMA: Reese Witherspoon's mother has sued the actress' father for bigamy, claiming John D. Witherspoon Sr. wasn't in his right mind when he married another woman this year. Next, Reese and her brother were looking to have their dad placed in a conservatorship.
YOU RANG: E! and E! Online scored the world premiere of Maroon 5's "Payphone" video, featuring Adam Levine as a buttoned-up banker turned battered, sweaty possible criminal mastermind. He didn't need a gun, however, to defend Tony Lucca's performance of "99 Problems" on The Voice from rip-off claims.
DESERT MIRAGE: For some reason, the Twitterverse thought Suge Knight was arrested in connection with the killing of Tupac Shakur, but that didn't happen.
FAMILY COURT: Jennifer Hudson's ex-brother-in-law, William Balfour, was convicted of murdering her mother, brother and 7-year-old nephew.
CIRCLE K: Kim Kardashian doesn't need to be banned to not attend an event like the Met gala. Sometimes she's just busy!...Kris Jenner pooh-poohs a story that she's feuding with her daughters (but it was a hacker who posted poo-poo on Kris' Twitter page)...Kourtney Kardashian's having a baby shower today..Kourtney will also be making breakfast for the whole clan on Mother's Day.
NEW CHAPTER: Against Me! singer Tom Gabel, who has a "super-amazing and understanding" wife and 2-year-old daughter, has come out as transgender and plans to start living life as a woman.
BUST-UP: Jenelle Evans says she wasn't in her right mind when someone took nude photos of her after her breast-enhancement surgery.
BABY BOOM: Jessica Simpson reveals she's loving motherhood...Bruce Willis debuted his and Emma Hemming's daughter, Mabel...Jack Osbourne and Lisa Stelly (and grandma Sharon Osbourne) showed off daughter Pearl... Alessandra Ambrosio and fiancé Jamie Mazur welcomed their second child, son Noah Phoenix...Anna Faris and hubby Chris Pratt expecting their first child together.
IM-PALINED: Bristol Palin slammed President Barack Obama for supposedly bowing to his daughters' wishes in his widely celebrated (by some) endorsement of same-sex marriage. Guess how the Twitterati felt about that?!
PARTY POLITICS: George Clooney's house was where the fancy (and a few normal) people were for a fundraiser for Obama that raised $15 million for his more-popular-than-ever (in Hollywood, at least) reelection campaign.
FAREWELLS: Vidal Sassoon, famed celebrity hairstylist who crafted Mia Farrow's pixie cut in Rosemary's Baby, died after a long illness at 84...Maurice Sendak, celebrated children's book author and illustrator who penned Where the Wild Things Are, died at 83 after suffering a stroke...George Lindsey, actor who played Goober on The Andy Griffith Show, died at 83...Tributes kept pouring in for late Beastie Boy Adam Yauch, including Coldplay's musical offering.
TV LAND: Jermaine Paul won The Voice...Hollie Cavanagh was latest to leave American Idol...Roshon Fagen and Chelsie Hightower took their elimination from Dancing With the Stars pretty well, but Melissa Gilbert and Maksim Chmerkovskiy were more outwardly bummed...Graduating Glee senior Cory Monteith turned 30...Amber Riley clarified her I'm-going-to-miss-Glee tweets...Cougar Town saved by TBS...Howard Stern makes the rounds ahead of America's Got Talent debut, slams X Factor's new judge...Britney Spears has officially joined The X Factor as a judge...General Hospital leads the Daytime Emmy Awards field with 23 nominations...CW orders five pilots...Whitney Houston's family gets new Lifetime reality show...Bubble watch...Lisa Kudrow shoots down the very idea of a Friends reunion.
RENEWED: ABC: Grey's Anatomy (with the main cast intact!), Modern Family, Revenge, Happy Endings, Once Upon a Time, The Middle, Suburgatory, Private Practice, Body of Proof...CW: Gossip Girl...Fox: Touch...NBC: 30 Rock (only one more season!), Parks & Recreation, Community, Parenthood, Law & Order: SVU, Whitney, Up All Night.
RECAPVILLE: Catch upon Grey's Anatomy, The Vampire Diaries finale, American Idol elimination, Survivor: One World, American Idol performance show, Glee, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Amazing Race finale, Celebrity Apprentice, Khloé & Lamar and Saturday Night Live.
SCREEN PLAY: Michelle Pfeiffer's 19-year-old daughter Claudia Rose Kelley looked glam on the Dark Shadows red carpet with her parents...The Avengers annihilated weekend box office records and even helped John Carter make more money...Jessica Chastain is out of Iron Man 3 and Rebecca Hall is in...Russell Brand will try his hand at hosting the MTV Movie Awards after deftly handling a heckler...Five things we might know about The Avengers sequel...Matthew McConaughey's latest, Killer Joe, is stuck with an NC-17 rating...Anna Kendrick talks "nailing it" with Jake Gyllenhaal in End of Watch...18-year-old India Easley will play young Angelina Jolie in Maleficent...Watch trailers for The Gangster Squad, Argo and The Campaign..Read our review of Dark Shadows.
LAW & DISORDER: Linda Evangelista and François-Henri Pinault reached a settlement in child-support case...Sean Bean busted for allegedly harassing his ex-wife...Matthew Fox charged with DUI...Former Miss USA Rima Fakih gets probation in DUI case...John Travolta also named in a personal-injury lawsuit...Amber Portwood behind bars again for violating drug case probation...CBS sues ABC over alleged Big Brother rip-off...Beastie Boys sued for wrongful sampling the day before Adam Yauch's death.
SURREAL ESTATE: Kelsey Grammer bought a $6.5 million love nest in Beverly Hills.
FASHIONABLY GREAT: Kanye West proved just how particular he is...Kate Middleton wowed the crowd at Claridge's with her chic sleekness...Check out this year's Kentucky Derby hats...Giuliana Rancic is starting a clothing line, G by Giuliana...Brad Pitt is the new face of Chanel No. 5...Anja Rubik's jutting leg (and hip bone) at the Met Costume Institute Gala stepped in front of Angelina Jolie's cocked gam...Brooke Shields' must-have accessory was a cane...Jessica Biel's engagement ring really stole the show.