Jared Padalecki


Dear Ted:
As I gazed upon the recent amazing photo of Jared Padalecki in the surf in Rio (who I think would make the perfect Finnick in The Hunger Games), it got me wondering about his and Jensen Ackles' Blind Vice. Since they were both notted as Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream, could you give us another clue or two as to their true Vices?
—Inquiring Minds

Dear SuperFreak:
Gotta admit, loyal tribute, when I saw those pictures of JarPad frolicking in the surf I immediately thought of how Finnick-y he looked (and kinda Taylor Kitsch-y too, don't you think?). Heck, those paparazzi were practically auditioning Jared for the role—just slap on some fishing nets and we've got our man! As for Vices, Jared and Jensen don't exclusively Vice together, but it's not a secret they keep from each other. At all.

Dear Ted:
I know you outed Britney Spears for a B.V. a few years ago. Has she earned herself another moniker? Or has she truly moved on from her past?

Dear Vice Me Baby One More Time:
She's moved on in some ways (a lot of ways, actually), but even with all that baggage she's burned, Brit-Brit still carries some designer bags of naughty secrets. All that metaphor is to say, she's a Hall of Famer for a reason.

Dear Ted:
You know that we have been guessing a lot about Chuck Finger-Dingle for a while, and we still don't know who she is. Can you tell us at least how she's doing these days with her professional and personal issues? Is she still with that male director you told us about some time ago or has she returned to les-land?
—Faithfully yours, George M.

Dear Who's on First:
Professionally, Chuck is killing it—totally A-list stuff, Georgey. As for the personal life, things are a bit messier, though I'm sure you were expecting that (she wouldn't be our dear Finger-Dingle if she had it together). She's not with her director dude for the time being—they're bound to reconnect—but isn't on the lady-lovin' express again, at least not in the splashy ways she once was.

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Colin Egglesfield for the part of Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey? He has those amazing eyes, and that beautiful body!

Dear Eggsactly:
The Client List has certainly prepared him for that kind of risqué fare, huh? Why not up it another notch and move beyond the handy stuff to full-on S&M shenanigans? He's certainly hot enough; I'm into it.

Dear Ted:
Can you please stop it with this Fifty Shades of Crap stuff already? It's a terrible series and only terrible people like it and only terrible actors should be involved. Hmm, maybe Ian Somerhalder isn't such a bad choice....

Dear Put Your Chastity Belt On:
What's not to like, P? The movie version is going to have tons of naughty fun and, more importantly, a shirtless hunk strutting his stuff for like 98 percent of the movie (which Ian would be parfait for). It's not like E.L. James thinks she's going to win a Noble Peace Prize—she's just having fun with it. You should too.

Dear Ted:
So how are things going both personally and professionally for Seymour Plow-Me-More? You haven't mentioned him lately, and it is spring, which is the time for love (or lust in his case).

Dear Seying Straight:
Professionally? Eh. Personally? Eek. Though, it's nothing new for Seymour—it's all stuff he's done over and over again in the past.

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