As Mark Ballas so gleefully put it, "You can't spell classical without ass."
No, we suppose you can't.
And there was still plenty of it on display on Dancing With the Stars, even though the final seven were doing Argentine tangos to "The Marriage of Figaro" and, er, "Bad Romance." (Apparently, if strings and winds are carrying the melody, it's considered classical.)
But did the age-old music take the contestants to new heights or suck them into a time warp? (Hint: someone finally scored a 30!)
Well, first of all, even when the praise was glowing, none of the former frontrunners achieved anything higher than a trio of 9s.
William Levy and Donald Driver received some of their best compliments of the season on their respective Viennese waltzes, with Bruno Tonioli telling William that he "followed the melodic line in a way only a professional dancer can" and Len Goodman telling Donald his footwork was "spot-on."
Katherine Jenkins actually received tempered remarks from Carrie Anne Inaba, who said the singer's rumba passion was "a little placed," but all three ended up tied for the round-one lead with 27.
"You were so on fire!" raved Carrie Ann. "Katherine has been on the lead for the girls, but she better watch her back, 'cause you're coming at her!" (Which means the friendly bro rivalry between Hough and Mark Ballas must be heating up, too, and that's only means good things for us viewers.)
As for the rest during the first round:
Melissa Gilbert and Maks Chmerkovskiy were flayed for a lift-riddled (or should we say lift-ravaged) Argentine tango that Carrie Ann called "Cirque du Soleil gone wrong." Roshon Fegan got a "welcome back" hug from Carrie Ann but both Bruno and Len criticized the lack of tension in his feet during his Argentine tango. And Len called Jaleel White's Viennese waltz nicely "airy-fairy" but not bad enough for him to be "really cruel" nor good enough for him to be "really kind."
Then it was on to round two for team dances. Katherine captained Team Tango, which also included Jaleel, Maria and Roshon, and they ended up with 27 points apiece after their androgyny-embracing routine.
Len, who didn't care for the first dance, seemed to adore Team Paso Doble, captained by William—he didn't even mind William and Donald's suspenders-and-no-shirt look—but ended up giving them the same 8. All in all, the paso dancers finished with a 26, pushing Donald and William into a two-way tie for third place.
Here's how the leaderboard stacked up after two rounds:
Maria Menounos & Derek Hough: (30+27) 57
Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas: (27+27) 54
Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd: (27+26) 53
William Levy & Cheryl Burke: (27+26) 53
Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower: (25+27) 52
Jaleel White & Kym Johnson: (24+27) 51
Melissa Gilbert & Maks Chmerkovskiy: (21+26) 47
Who do you think is finished (ahem, Melissa and Maks) after tonight? Are you surprised that Maria and Derek got the first 30? Share your thoughts in the comments section!