Well, don't we feel all cleaned out inside?!
Oh, wait...that's Simon Cowell who feels that way. And now we know why after getting a glimpse at Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell.
The proudly salacious tome by Tom Bower, on U.S. shelves today, is being touted by publisher Random House as a look behind the curtain at a man who is "at once insecure, yet confident; ambitious but easily bored; vain and above all: ruthlessly competitive."
As if we didn't know! But here are five things that we've learned from Sweet Revenge:
1. He Put the XXX in X Factor: According to Bower, who is said to have had unprecedented access to Cowell (though it's still considered unauthorized), the record and TV producer had a fling with fellow British X Factor judge Dannii Minogue. "I had a crush on her, Dannii's hair, sexy clothes, and the t-ts. It was genuine love," he says. (Perhaps it ended after he spelled her name with only one i too many times.)
2. He's Clean as a Whistle: Cowell schedules monthly colonics to keep his interior self ship-shape, per the book. "It's so cleansing—and it makes my eyes shine brighter," he's quoted as saying. We sense a connection between his dislike of, er, waste to his preference for black toilet paper, but that's for Bower to delve into, not us.
3. He Says Yes to Botox: One look at that tight-black-T-shirt-ready physique and you can tell he's a man who cares about what he looks like. The wrapping may appear simple (50 pairs of the same pants, for instance), but the package is said to be chock-full of vitamins, slathered with top-of-the-line grooming products and, every six months, plumped with Botox. "It simply works," Cowell says, per Bower. "You do it twice a year. Who cares? And it balances my smoking and drinking."
4. He's a Quick Study: Cowell supposedly turned down an offer to be a judge on Britain's Popstars, saying, "I can't see how that'll work." But once he did see how such things totally work, he fashioned himself after the so-called mean critics like Idol executive producer and So You Think You Can Dance judge Nigel Lythgoe.
5. He Is That Nice of an Ex: Bower writes that Cowell did indeed give ex-fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy a $5 million home in Beverly Hills when they parted ways. It doesn't have a garden pathway that gives the illusion of walking on water, as Simon's humble abode in Beverly Hills does, but it's supposedly pretty nice.