As Robb Stark's (Richard Madden) hotness soldiers on toward King's Landing, the battle between the Baratheon brothers heats up. Does Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) have a secret weapon that could win him the war? And just how much worse can the little brat King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) get? Hint: A lot worse.
Find out what happened on Game of Thrones now:
WHAT WE LEARNED
Storm's End: Renly (Gethin Anthony) and Stannis are fighting like spoiled children, but what Renly doesn't realize is that his brother is serious with his ultimatum. What happens next is so crazy that we had to watch three times to really comprehend what we were seeing. The sorceress Melisandre (Carice van Houten) gives birth to an evil shadow baby. Mazel tov? What do you get someone who just had a creepy shadow incarnation in a cave? An Iron Throne perhaps?
King's Landing: We actually didn't think it was possible, but Joffrey is even more terrible. He is worse than ever. He aims an arrow at his fiancée Sansa (Sophie Turner), has her stripped and beaten. Thank the gods for Tyrion (Peter Dinklage). He saves Sansa's pretty little neck but his plan to calm Joffrey down with a little stress release wick dipping completely backfires. Joffrey has surpassed terrible and is now downright evil.
Joffrey might be at Mad King levels of out of control, but Tyrion does manage to get one Lannister regulated. Lancel (Eugene Simon) is ashamed that Tyrion knows he's bedding Queen Cersei (Lena Headey) and agrees to spy for Tyrion. It's amazing to watch him squirm.
Harrenhal: Arya (Maisie Williams) and Gendry (Joe Dempsie) and friends arrive at Harrenhal, and it's a pretty grisly place. Things are looking dire for them when we find out that everyday someone is taken and tortured and killed. Super. We thought that the death-by-rats torture method only existed in horror movies, but add HBO TV series to that list.
Speaking of lists, Arya and Kill Bill's Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman) are very similar: they both have a list of names for vengeance. Where's her red Sharpie? And yet another Lannister voice of reason shows up at the exact right time before Gendry is eaten by rats. And Papa Tywin (Charles Dance) is only the second person to notice Arya is a girl, so he wins points for that too.
Qarth: Finally Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) gets to be awesome and she didn't even have to show anyone her baby dragons, she just had to get spitting mad and threaten a city with them. She wasn't about to let some upstart trader, with a name so complicated for foreigners that it couldn't even be said, keep her out of the greatest city that ever was and will be. We think that Dany really needed this break. A bath and a good meal is exactly what she needs to recharge and regroup.
Stark Camp: Robb's awesomeness continues to solider on. But we found the one girl who doesn't swoon at Robb Stark's feet. What is wrong with her? Robb really hates that there is one person who doesn't like him. P.S. Thanks Game of Thrones foley artists for that really gross sound of sawing off a leg.
"Only that the desert around their walls is called the Garden of Bones. Every time the Qarthians shut their gates on a traveller the garden grows." —Jorah
"Leave her face. I like her pretty."—Joffrey
"The Mad King did as he liked. Has your uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?" —Tyrion
"Did she take you against your will? Can you not defend yourself, knight?" —Tyrion
"Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?" —Renly
Is your mind still reeling from that crazy birth? Are you happy that Dany has finally a place to rest and relax? Is Joffrey even more dangerous than before? Head to the comments!