When a reality contestant says "I'm no dummy," it usually means they're a dummy.
Especially on Survivor: One World, in which the coconuts are smarter than most of the Castaways.
Case in point: Troyzan's struggle to persuade the other his former tribemates—obvious outcasts to everyone but themselves—to vote out one of the fab four instead of blindly following them until they're pushed off a cliff.
Did he succeed? And more important, why was Tarzan giving Leif a facial?
Troyzan vs. the World: Troyzan was not "taking it like a man" back at camp after Tribal Council, where his enemies flushed out his Immunity Idol and sent Jay home. "Dude, relax," complained the femmes fatale, completely ostracizing the lonely boy. This only made him more determined to sacrifice chow for a game advantage when the group learned the famous food auction would be their next reward.
"Don't Be Cheap": Unless you have a strategy like Troyzan's, why wouldn't you blow your wad the second Probst hits the gavel? By bidding on food, the worst that can happen is that you'll win a small snack versus a big meal. At least ditzy Kat let her tummy do the talking, first winning a BLT (with "bacon on there!" to her acronym-ignorant astonishment) and then a mystery item, which turned out to be a cake with a note to share it with the grateful tribe. Kim enjoyed a cheap $40 shower, which she only left to claim her $240 bowl of peanut butter and chocolate. (If you remember Amazon's Heidi and Jenna, you know that peanut butter and chocolate go together like Survivor and naked women.)
Tarzan planned to keep his cash to fix the shocks on his car, which begs the question: How many other plastic surgeons pay for basic auto maintenance using a piggy bank? In the end, Dr. 9021-No forwent a smooth ride and paid, like Alicia, $500 for letters from home. Nothing makes us hit the fast-forward button more than these weepy scenes, so we almost missed Christina bail out of a bidding war with Troyzan for an advantage in the Immunity Challenge—leaving the auction with nothing but a few bites of Kat's cake. (Maybe she too is saving up for a trip to Pep Boys?)
Worst-Case Scenario: Troyzan's $420 note revealed that he would immediately advance to the second stage of the Immunity Challenge, more than doubling his odds of winning. He kept this to himself and riled up Kim & Co. by pretending to search for and find the hidden Immunity Idol. After he defeated Tarzan in the final round ('Zano y 'Zano!) to claim the Immunity Necklace, the girls were even more dismayed, especially at his ungentlemanly celebration. Ironically, Tarzan the hollering chest-thumper scolded his opponent for not being noble in his victory.
"Hello, Hi…": Safe himself, Troyzan tried to persuade the Manono misfits that it was in their interest to align with him and vote out Kim. Unfortunately, Tarzan was too busy lovingly sponging Leif's face (with what we dearly hope were not his "poop pants") to listen, and the other girls stared at him blankly. It was Alicia who insisted she was "no dummy," but she and Christine followed the Fab Four's instructions, voting for Tarzan to split the vote with Leif. The only one to side with Troyzan and vote for Kim was Leif—and he was sent home.
At least he left with a clean face.
Who do you think will be voted off next: Castaway or coconut? Sound off in the comments!