Poor Chuck (Ed Westwick)!
Yes, we're pretty sure these words were uttered by nearly everyone watching Gossip Girl tonight when our favorite Basstard was completely blindsided by a shocking revelation: the true identity of his mother! Yeah, the rest of the season just got 10 times more interesting for Chuck!
Plus, were Dan (Penn Badgley) and Blair (Leighton Meester) able to meld their two worlds together or are they just too different to make their relationship work? And who finally found out Serena (Blake Lively) is Gossip Girl? Here's what we learned in tonight's episode...
MotherChucker: The big secret everyone no one saw coming is finally out: Diana (Elizabeth Hurley) is Chuck's real mother! (Take that, season three!) Though Diana did everything she could to prevent Chuck from finding out the truth, this is Gossip Girl and the truth always comes out. We're pretty sure receiving a Gossip Girl blast isn't the best way to learn who your mother is and Chuck is understandably upset. (Props to Westwick for some truly awesome work tonight!)
"You have been in New York for months...banging my best friend, did it not occur you to mention this? I can't do this right now, or ever. I can't," a devastated Chuck tells Diana. The British bombshell visits Chuck later and comes clean: She had an affair with Chuck's father Bart, but decided to let Bart and Elizabeth, who was unable to have children, raise her baby as their own. Her explanation for sleeping with Nate (Chace Crawford) just a room away from her bio son? Diana says, "I didn't intend for things to get as serious as they did." Respect!
But wait! Turns out, being Chuck's mother isn't Diana's only secret! Hmmm...what dirt does Gossip Girl have on her?
Bitter, Party of One? Serena, aka the "Blonde Unabomber," is less than thrilled by Lola's (Ella Rae Peck) new It girl status and decides to go all Mean Girls on her cousin by posting a nasty rumor about Ivy on Gossip Girl, so she'll lose out on the audition of a lifetime. Of course, it doesn't take long for Lola to put two and two together and realizes Serena must be G.G. and thus begins her unapproved (by Nate) vendetta to out Serena.
When Serena talks to Diana about her role in saving Chuck's life at Blair's soiree, Lola records the conversation and posts it on Gossip Girl, including the part where Diana reveals she's Chuck's mother. Big mistake, Lola. Huge! Though she's glad she hurt Serena, Lola doesn't tell Nate that her cousin is Gossip Girl. "I knew it would hurt him if he found out," Lola later explains of not telling Nate about Serena's double-life, before revealing she's done with the UES. Nate loses another love interest? Shocking!
Dan and Blair Debut! The couple, inspired by the "Brangelina of the five boroughs," decide to throw a salon as their official coming out as a couple, as it's the perfect blend of uptown and downtown, just like them! Of course, this is Gossip Girl, where no party is complete without some drama, which is provided by Serena, Lola, Nate, Chuck and Diana who all bring all their various storylines as their plus-ones. How rude!
Blair tries to maintain a stiff upper lip throughout their debut, but when Diana's big reveal brings the party to an end, she thinks it means there's no world for them to be a couple in. Still, Dan is unwavering and shows up at Blair's, overnight bag in hand. "I was hoping to have a sleepover with you," Dan says. "Our relationship is our world...we have to face these disasters together. We're a team." So what does their sleepover consist of? Pretentious pillow talk about literature! So this is what a (mostly) adult relationship looks like!
Rufus Grows a Pair: Rufus (Matthew Settle) is sick of being a Real Househusband of the Upper East Side and he's not going to take it anymore...until Lily (Kelly Rutherford) comes and apologizes! Alas, their reunion hits a snag when Lily finds out Rufus has been putting Ivy (Kaylee Defer) up in a hotel since Lily tricked her out of the apartment in the last episode. "With my money?" Lily accuses, basically confirming Rufus' suspicions that he's nothing more than a trophy hubby to her. Insult to injury? Lily later cancels his debit card! Rufus must be toast, 'cause he just got burned! Rufus and Lily's relationship is in real danger, y'all, so we know this must be Gossip Girl's darkest timeline. (Shudder!)
What did you think of tonight's episode? Were you shocked to learn that Diana is Chuck's real mother, or did you see the twist coming from a mile away? Sound off in the comments!