Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Back in college a famous actress came and spoke to my senior class (theater majors) and, instead of giving advice on our futures, she dished on all of her costars the whole time. It was hilarious and amaze. Anyhoo, she said that Madeleine Stowe was basically the worst person on earth. That said, she has to be Harriet Talons, yes? Tell me I'm right!

Dear Stowe Away:
Victoria Grayson would serve your head on a silver platter for even thinking that, Princess (I assume that title is not Hamptons royalty). The maniacal Ms. Talons plays nice on the small screen and mean behind the scenes…the opposite of Madeleine. They're both Golden Globe babes, though.

Dear Ted:
Why is no one talking about GCB?  I think it's the most hilarious and refreshing new show in a long time.  I'm not a huge fan of Kristin Chenoweth, but I even like her in this show! How many Vice stars can we count for this?
—Bible Belt Humor

Dear Good Christian BVs:
How dare you, babe! Kristin is stinkin' adorable, how could anyone possibly dislike her?! But here's a little Team Truth scoop: We love GCB and talk about it in the office all the time. As for the Vices, only one…for now.

Dear Ted:
How's Saucy Bossy? Is he American and is he a multihyphenate talent like so many try to be? Also I think I got the perfect gal for Adam Levine...Cameron Diaz! A tall, leggy blonde who doesn't want to settle down. Perfect, no?


Dear From Boss to Bitch:
Saucy's fine, still chasing the dudes and dames around. No romance happening, but that's fine with the "Boss." As for Adam and Cam, the two have actually already been linked in the past. And who says that Cam doesn't want to settle down? Not me.

Dear Ted:
Do Valyrie Tress-Trap and Buella Bland know each other?

Dear Sugar and Spice:
Hardly—though they do share one very crucial thing in common. But Buella's all boresville while Valyrie lives for a thrill.

Dear Ted:
Has Harriet Talons worked with Drew Smolder 'n' Such?

Dear Nope:
Not on TV or the big screen.

Dear Ted:
With the Titanic re-release, it's bringing back my memory of young Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. They are such talented actors—not only do they have pretty faces but they can actually act. It's make me wonder that if Titanic were to reboot again, who could be the new Jack and Rose? I came up with Shia LaBeouf and Kiera Knightley, what do you think?

Dear Not Onboard This Reboot:
Let's let this ship go down already, babe, especially since it just hit theaters again and didn't need to redo anything (except, of course, add a bit of 3-D). There are plenty of Titanic projects floating around town…but there's only one Jack and Rose.

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