Having a teen heartthrob from your elementary school days slam a significant portion of the population as "destructive" is no way to start the week!
Thankfully, it was all up (and then down, but then up, a bit down, but then up!) from there. Dig in!
PASSION OF THE KIRK: Onetime teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron gave us growing pains in our hearts when he said on Piers Morgan Live that homosexuality is "detrimental and...destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization." He explained himself, and plenty of people rallied for his right to free speech, but let's just say that outlook lost him more than a few fans.
FULL BLOOM: In the grand tradition started by Demi Moore in 1991, pregnant Jessica Simpson posed nude for the cover of Elle. Discuss.
THERE IT IS!: All right, Justin Timberlake, you've got pretty good taste. Jessica Biel finally let us get an eyeful of the hulking engagement ring on her finger.
LIKE, OFFICIAL, YEH: Jionni LaValle put a ring on Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi in honor of their epic love (and perhaps in anticipation of the meatball they've got in the oven). Get the deets on her ring and her tight-dress plans.
SHOW & SHOW: Rihanna tweeted herself topless. Plus magic hair wand.
WHITNEY'S WILL: Whitney Houston left everything she had to daughter Bobbi Kristina. Plus, Houston's hairdresser talks about comforting the teen at the Beverly Hilton after her mother died and the diva's last conversation with Dionne Warwick.
WEDDING BELLS: Dick Van Dyke, 86, married his 40-year-old makeup artist, Arlene Silver. Sure, there's a big age difference, but she already knows what the actor looks like when he wakes up in the morning...Real Housewives of Orange County's Tamra Barney engaged...
DESPERATE MEASURES: Nicollette Sheridan vs. Marc Cherry just concluded its second week, and the only thing both sides agree on is that Cherry's hand touched Sheridan's face. How hard he touched her depends on whose version of events you believe. (Side note for you Desperate Housewives fans: When Edie was killed off, did you miss her?) Actually, we also now know who's getting killed off this Sunday!
REGIFTING: Kim Kardashian made a donation to the Dream Foundation in the amount of the wedding gifts she received for her short-lived union.
POOF!: J.K. Rowling pays taxes like a Muggle and gives to charity like a superwoman. Where does that leave her? Not on Britain's list of billionaires!
RUSH TO JUDGMENT: Rush Limbaugh went too far in calling Sandra Fluke a "slut" after she addressed Congress about the importance of easily accessible contraception—and plenty of folks, including Peter Gabriel and Rush, want no part of his antics. Guess which side Bill Maher took.
THE SPLITS: Heidi Klum opens up about split from Seal...Elizabeth Moss rips ex-hubby Fred Armisen...Dennis Quaid's wife (and the mother of those adorable twins), Kimberly, filed for divorce after nearly eight years...Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz broke up...Ali Fedotowsky talks about the end of her engagement to Roberto Martinez...Distance got the best of David Arquette and Christina McLarty's relationship...
ALL RELATIVE: Some people didn't like finding out that Miley Cyrus respects science—so she opened up a can of Einstein on 'em.
BABY BOOM: Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey expecting their first child...Linda Cardellini and boyfriend Steve Rodriguez welcomed daughter Lilah-Rose...Grandchild No. 2 for Martha Stewart, courtesy of daughter Alexis...Elizabeth Berkeley expecting her first child with hubby Greg Lauren...
FAREWELLS: Fifteen years after he was gunned down in L.A., fans and fellow artists tweet respects to Notorious B.I.G....Davy Jones' four daughters thank fans for their support and love in wake of dad's death; Monkees singer was laid to rest in Florida during a private funeral...Jimmy Ellis, lead singer of "Disco Inferno" group The Trammps, died of Alzheimer's disease at 74...Robert P. Sherman, songwriter on Mary Poppins and other Disney classics, died in London at 86...Ronnie Montrose, who fronted eponymous band with pre-Van Halen Sammy Hagar, died of cancer at 64...Ralph McQuarrie, conceptual designer on Star Wars, died at 82.
SCREEN PLAY: Check out Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer in The Lone Ranger...The Lorax is 2012's first blockbuster...The Hunger Games draw ever closer...South by Southwest Film Festival preview...Colin Firth named a Freeman of the City of London...Read our review of John Carter...Watch the trailer for Men in Black 3.
TV LAND: Watch Miley Cyrus get the naked jump on Liam Hemsworth on the new Punk'd...The Bachelor wants Tim Tebow...Britney Spears wants more than $10 million to do The X Factor...American Idol bid farewell to Jeremy Rosado...The Pacific Princess, aka The Love Boat, is going to be turned into scrap...Kelly Clarkson, Lionel Richie, Jennifer Nettles and Robin Thicke join new ABC singing competition, Duets...Giuliana Rancic back to host the Miss USA pageant with Bravo's Andy Cohen...Ashley Hebert dissects The Bachelor: Women Tell All special...Tina Fey wasn't able to guest on SNL with Lindsay Lohan because her kids were sick...Terra Nova canceled, what's next?!
RECAP ROUNDUP: Catch up on Jersey Shore, Project Runway: All Stars, American Idol, America's Next Top Model: British Invasion, Survivor: One World, Dance Moms, The Voice, The Bachelor, The Walking Dead, Celebrity Apprentice and Khloé & Lamar.
MUSICAL NOTES: Peep a pic of Adele playing piano at the wee age of 4...Watch Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed's "Now That I Found You" video...Check out Carrie Underwood's Blown Away cover...Lady Gaga surpasses 20 million followers on Twitter.
LAW & DISORDER: Christina Hendricks and Olivia Munn get hacked...Child endangerment investigation into Gabriel Aubry closed without consequence...Ex-Queens of the Stoneage bassist Nick Oliveri pleaded not guilty to federal dumbassery...Antonio Banderas robbed at Budapest airport...Amber Portwood gets 30 extra days of daily drug testing...Steven Seagal sued...Paula Deen sued for sexual harassment...Jenelle Evans thrown in jail again on a stalking allegation...Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell and his wife report $120,000 worth of jewelry stolen.
HOSPITAL CORNER: Demi Lovato reveals relapses since treatment...John Mayer canceled all scheduled performances after a reoccurrence of his granuloma...Tristan Wilds is taking a break from 90210 while he battles an illness...Idol frontrunner Phillip Phillips needed a trip to the hospital for stomach pains...Tila Tequila hospitalized with a brain aneurysm following a pill overdose, enters rehab.
FASHION FRENZY: Lindsay Lohan's a redhead again, hooray!...Cameron Diaz tells time with Tag Heuer...Rihanna eventually puts on pants in this Armani Jeans commercial...One Million Moms abandoned its campaign against Ellen DeGeneres-as-JCPenney-spokeswoman...Jennifer Love Hewitt gives her boobs props for the Maxim crowd...Adam Levine launching men's and women's fragrances with ID Perfumes...Ashley Olsen talks the end of her acting career in Elle UK...Kris Humphries' sister Kaela signs with Ford Models.
SURREAL ESTATE: Nineteenth-century townhouse where Carrie Bradshaw stored her shoes in Sex and the City on the market for $9.65 million...Dick Clark's Bedrock-appropriate Malibu home on the market for $3.5 million.
SEEN: Selena Gomez keeping cool by the pool in Florida...Kate Middleton joining Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip on a day full of activities in Leicester marking the queen's Diamond Jubilee...After getting down in Jamaica, Prince Harry touched down in Brazil, the final leg of his goodwill jaunt in honor of grandma's Diamond Jubilee...Full-bearded Shia LaBeouf running the 100-yard coffee dash in L.A....Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson going to dinner and getting all gussied up for the Louis Vuitton-Marc Jacobs Exhibition in Paris...Jennifer Garner behind the wheel of her Range Rover...Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt walking the family bulldog, Jack, in New Orleans...Shiloh also out with mom Angelina Jolie and little sis Vivienne in Hollywood...Bjork and daughter Isadora Barney strolling through Brooklyn Heights...Heidi Klum enjoying fun in the sun at Malibu's Paradise Cove beach with kids Leni, Henry, Johan and Lou Sulola...Rod Stewart and Rachel Hunter's hockey player son Liam tearing up the ice in Spokane, Wash....Newly blond Vanessa Hudgens at rehearsal for her latest film in Sacramento, Fla....LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville watching one of Brandi and Eddie Cibrian's son's soccer games together...Jaime Pressly showing off her beach bod in Cancun.